Bag It
by There are a lot of problems in the world, but there is one concern that particularly bothers me. Someone must do something about it, but don’t point your finger at me.
We’re living in some interesting times. It is a curse to live in interesting times. There’s our war in Iraq, global warming, and people dying from starvation every day. These are all big concerns of course, but I’m an American, so they really aren’t concerns for me. As an American, I have bigger things to worry about, like the way my groceries get bagged. When the hell are these grocery baggers going to learn how to do their jobs?
When I get to the check-out aisles, the express lane is never an option because I never have less than 12 items. I eat a lot. I’m an American, so I’ve got a lot of food in my cart – and because I have a lot of food in my cart, I have to go to the regular lanes. If possible, I gravitate towards the “You Bag” lanes rather than the “We Bag” lanes. That almost never happens though, because there is always some old hag in front of me with enough food to feed six of me for a month, who wants to pay in coins. Therefore, I almost always end up at the “We Bag” aisle. I hate that.
Having someone bag my groceries for me would be great if they did it the way I wanted it, but they don’t. It’s as simple as this: they use too many bags! Too many! However many bags it should take, they multiply that by anywhere from two to two and a half. I honestly believe they would use 86 bags if they had enough, but they’d run out. They still use too many. Sometimes, I end up with one item in a bag. These bags are big and there is too much room being wasted with a single can of tuna in one of them.
The other day, I had just enough shit to fit into two bags. The lady used five! Five! Then when I got out to my truck, I was easily able to fit everything into two bags. Everything fit perfectly. Nothing was overflowing and I could still lift the bags without ripping the handles off. It was fine.
Why do I care so much, you wonder? What’s the big deal? I’ll tell you what the big damn deal is. I don’t want to have to walk in and out and in and out from my truck to my kitchen over and over again, putting them down to open the door, picking them up, and then putting them down again to shut the door. Forget that! It should take one trip and one trip only. Hauling bags in is not something I want to repeat. It’s not necessary and really just a waste of my time.
The only reason I can see for using this many bags is the fear that the bags will be too heavy for the customer if they are too full. Do you know how much of an insult that is? This tells me that they look at me and think, “Well this guy’s a wuss. Obviously, he’ll never be able to lift more than seven pounds. I better make sure the extreme weight of this jar of peanut butter isn’t combined with the lead-heavy cans of green beans.” I can assure you, I can lift more than seven pounds. Take the bags and fill those things.
I have no clever conclusion, so I will just bag it.
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