In the light of the recent wild fires in California, apparently caused by drought and deadwood (and aided somewhat by a 10 year old junior pyro who was probably just experimenting with burning the wings off termites in Tarzana), it is clear that something has to be done about southern lands suffering from sunstroke and want of water. The solution for the south lies in the north – the extremely far north, to be somewhat exact.

The idea of towing an iceberg to a drought-stricken region is nothing new. The problem, though, is two-fold, in the main: 1) it’s very expensive and 2) by the time it gets to where it’s going, there would be more ice in a kelvinator. Not only that, but the success of this method depends on the recipient to be in a parched area with practical access. However, with a little entrepreneurial daring, no problem is insurmountable.

A glance at the map shows how strategically located James Bay is. An appendix to Hudson’s Bay, it plunges itself between Ontario and Quebec, reaching farther south than any other major northern body of water. Despite this southerly reach, consider too, that the beach resort business there is nothing short of dismal, as the water temperature, at the best of times, would turn most things to icebergs rather quickly. But most important – icebergs are already a common species in the bay, so getting one to landfall would not require a great deal of towing. In fact, they may even drift to shore on their own! All of this is nature. It’s at this point – beaching the berg – that modern technology and innovative industry takes over. That is, the iceberg has to be melted.

The first step would be the preparation of an artificial lakebed of sufficient size, which is likely to be quite large. And while the initial construction might prove upsetting to the local flora, fauna and the Sierra Club, the long term impact can be nothing but beneficial. The local indigenous population will benefit from both stages with the increased income potential attached to the scheme, because the end result will be the biggest man-made lakebed in the world (an attraction in itself), surrounded by huge (artificial) mountains, made from the earth and rock removed to create the reservoir. Within a short period of time, these mountains would abound with lush new forestry, abundant with wildlife and tourism potential. All that is needed is the water, which is where the iceberg comes in. The bergs would be melted at the Bay shore site, with the water being channeled to the waiting lake bed. Like a swimming pool, it is filled to the desired depth and it can even be stocked with fish.

What has been created is an extremely large “kettle” lake, whose levels can be kept up in two ways – naturally, from the runoff in the artificial mountains surrounding it, as well as spring break-up on the water, or by simply towing another berg in and melting it down as required. What has also been created is a governable source and supply of excess water, there for a reason – to be sold on the market, very much like oil. And like the oil from the Alaskan fields, this water is delivered by pipeline, to destinations like Southern California. Spills and leaks, unlike the oil lines, however, would not prove environmentally hazardous. Indeed, the line and its offshoots could be viewed at first response fire hydrants, ready to be tapped into as they snake through the hills and valleys of remote arid areas on their way to searing southlands.

A massive project, to be sure! Expensive? Initially, yes. But in the long run, the benefits – or the alternatives – must be weighed. Certainly, in the benefit column, the environment and the economy have both been helped, not hindered. In truth, so has the lot of mankind. The country as a whole would be in a more enviable position than the middle-east oil empires, becoming water barons of the world. And we would never fear our fields being set on fire!

There is just this one little problem – James Bay is in Canada. Nothing that can’t be solved – there is a rumor that the Canadians are harboring weapons of mass destruction!