To our valued customer,

Thank you for choosing to smoke! Enclosed in this letter are 2 great reasons why smoking is the right thing for you. This 12cm by 1cm stick of fun will provide health benefits, popularity among friends, and is economically efficient! What are you waiting for?

First and foremost, these cigarettes are a blessing to your health. The ingredients we put in it are top-of-the-line quality. These include world class ammonia, carbon monoxide, and even hydrogen cyanide! It just gets better and better with 43 known carcinogens to allow you to get cancer in 43 different ways! Studies show that there even contains DDT, a known pesticide to further protect your body from those annoying insects. You can even bring back childhood memories because there are traces of crayons in each and every puff! Better yet, feel the power of nicotine as you breath in the strong chemical that is normally used by professionals to knock out elephants. Last, show off to all your friends a rejuvenated appearance and demeanor. Cigarettes are known for yellowing teeth, stinking breath, and making your house smell like a 24/7 barbecue! What better way to attract the opposite gender with a great stained smile and dreamy aroma?

Surprisingly, all these benefits are very light on your wallet. For a person who smokes a pack a day, only $3,391 a year is spent on this cheap lifesaver. It is sold almost in any convenience store and will never be out of stock. The common thing to do when you are finished with this product is to throw it anywhere because it only takes a decade to decompose and you may even have the joy of witnessing a starting forest fire! All this money goes to helping your community through taxes and into developing better cigarettes for the future. So buy now and help your wallet, community, and us prosper for a brighter tomorrow.

Unfortunately, there are people who are unsatisfied with the product, saying that it causes deadly diseases and only profits us. We strongly disagree with this accusation because even though emphysema, lung cancer, and brain damage can all lead to painful deaths, it is not our fault. You see, the reason why people get these diseases is because they smoked too late in their lives. They did not have time to build up a tolerance and their body rejected all our innovative chemicals. The solution is to start smoking before the age of 18 which, thankfully, 90% of all our customers do. We spend a couple billion dollars a year to reach out to your young audience to make sure that they start early and avoid health issues in the future. We do this because we value our customers even though 1 may die every 10 seconds from tobacco related issues, but that is irrelevant. As you can see, we do the best we can to give our customers the best service.

We hope that we have convinced you with this personal letter to hit the stores and buy a pack of good old cigarettes. The practice goes back centuries and no harm can come out of this practice, only benefits. So please yourself with some delicious carcinogens, please your friends with a yellow smile and fumy aroma, and better yet, help your wallet and community. Now go on and show the world your smart decision by choosing cigarettes!