There are few things that will strike more fear into the heart of a potential recruit than bellying up to the bar, downing a shot of moral courage, and then facing your worst fear about the Peace Corps process: informing your parents of your desire to leave the country for an extended period of time while hanging out in a mud puddle.

Parents instinctively had this desire to outlive their kids, which is something I can’t understand. They spent all of my childhood threatening to kill me for this dumb thing or that dumb incident. Why should it matter if they outlive me when they unselfishly scared the daylights and spirit out of me for all those years? My theory is they don’t want to outlive me as much as they want to pass on the bumper sticker curses: “live long enough to be a problem to your kids” and, “I’m spending my children’s inheritance”.

While I was growing up I had been exposed to my father’s promise: “when you turn 18, you’re OUT of this house!” Before I turned 19, I was indeed, out of the house and not off to college. It was too expensive for them, and my original dreams were crushed into fine powder. That’s ok – if they had come true, I wouldn’t be able to pack up my life and leave it. I can still remember when I told them I was moving out, and my dad threw a fit. “You’re not moving out! You’re not allowed to!”

Remembering how they didn’t take it well when I eventually moved out, I knew telling my parents wouldn’t exactly be easy, and I’ve been out of the house for 18 years.

The last time I went to the country I hope to be stationed in, she freaked! “Pin your passport and ticket in your underwear and always be ready to run!” She was terrified of me going to this place, and started recalling all these movies she had seen on TV, but neglected to understand where they had taken place wasn’t where I’d be located. Getting the answer to the question of life would be easier than getting her approval, but then again, she never approved of anything I’ve done in my life. She gave me life and an abundant sense of negativity.

I prayed, and then dialed the phone. After a short period of small talk, I came right to the point. “Mom, I wanted to talk to you about something I’m going to do, and I wanted to get your blessing on it.” I don’t like sugar coating things anymore to make it simple for her to swallow, and since this was going to be hard, there isn’t anything on God’s green earth that would help her to accept what was coming. “I’m working on joining the Peace Corps.”

At first she sounded happy and said that was a great idea and a perfect way for me to “see the world”, which is what everyone thinks. “Just don’t go to Columbia – it’s bad down there.” I hadn’t finished dropping the bomb on her yet. “Mom, I want to be stationed in a specific region of the world.” She got a bit quiet as I wound up the pitch. “I want to be stationed in Jordan …in the Middle East .” I began to explain it was for me, there was no man involved, and I wanted to be stationed there for all the right reasons. I’m not sure, but I think I heard crickets chirping in the shocked silence.

“Do you know there’s a war over there?!”

“Where?” I couldn’t resist saying this.

“In the Middle East !” she fumed.

“That’s Iraq , and Iraq is not the entire Middle East . There are other countries over there, you know.”

“Yeah, like Iran , and you’re going to get nuked to death!” she growled.

I did warn you she was a bastion of negativity, and only in the last year have I escaped the worst of it and have learned to be content no matter what state I’m in, as the Bible tells me to do.

“Mom, we all have to go sometime.” I could tell she wasn’t reassured by that observation, however, I wasn’t going to back down from the coming attempt to talk me out of it.

“I hear Costa Rica ’s nice.” Of course she did – she went there on a cruise a few years ago and knows full well what it’s like. I don’t want the jungles – I want the sand; I’ve never heard of anyone being attacked by leeches in the desert and that’s a plus in my book.

We spent the next half hour going around in circles until she realized I was serious as a heart attack about joining the Corps. Finally a reluctant, shaky phrase escaped her mouth: “You have to do what makes you happy, Sue.” I almost tapped the phone and said, “Who are you, and what have you done with my mom?!” She’s never given up or backed down from a fight with me in her life, and she’s thrown in the towel?

I’m sure she hopes I’ll give up on joining, and that would make her happy to know I won’t be flying the nest. She had a hard enough time with me moving from Boston to Dallas , and when I get an assignment overseas, I know it will crush her. She is taken care of though – there are five kids in the family, and she’s already named two as her executor and health care proxy, so I’m not leaving her alone and without any help. Both my parents are in good health, so I don’t fear something happening to them while I’m gone.

We have decisions to make that you can count on someone else not liking, but my mom’s right – you have to do what makes you happy. I don’t want to find at the end of my life I have a bucket full of regrets, and so few accomplished dreams. I have no husband or children to speak of; that gives me time to take care of others who are worse off than I am.

When you decide to tell your parents, don’t expect them to embrace the idea right off the bat. Any time you tell them you’re moving a little bit further away, be understanding to the fact you will break their hearts. Time may heal all wounds, but expecting a ticker tape parade after a bombshell like this isn’t going to happen. My advice is to ask for their blessing, and then let it fly. As time goes on, they will have to accept your choice, and you will have to find the strength to take your dream to the next level.

If you don’t like trying to find all the segments of this series, you can locate the links to them here and they will return you the exact spot on the socyberty.com site.

quazen.com articles by this writer can be found here

socyberty.com articles can be located here

relijournal.com articles are here

picable.com photographic images are here