Stop the Planned Australian Internet Filtering Scheme
by You know it – you’re a freak – you have a fiendish little fetish you don’t want anyone to know about. The Internet is great, because you can satisfy your perverted desires. Well not any more if the Australian government gets it way!
Australian Parliament House: Image via Wikipedia
As you may or may not be aware, the Australian Federal Government is planning to force all Australian Internet Service Providers to filter internet traffic and block any material the Government deems inappropriate. Under the plan, the Government can add any unwanted site to a secret blacklist. Australia is a testing ground. There are not that many people there and most of them don’t have guns. If such a thing is accepted there, it will be enforced everywhere!
This is unacceptable.
I have it from secret sources that I can’t reveal (for they would no longer be secret and would just become sources, and well, ‘sources’ just doesn’t have an emotional impact – secret sources are of course totally unaccountable, and even though such information sounds more authoritative it is generally not so – except this time)… secret sources within high levels of an unnamed but well known government agency that reveal to me the following items will also be included on the blacklist:
- Any site that deals with information on how to train mutant ninja goats for various nefarious purposes,
- Dancing dogs wearing tutus,
- Jokes of a flatulent nature,
- Pygmy trapeze artist porn,
- Techniques for the psychological destruction of the innocent and feeble minded,
- Forgies (fat orgies),
- How to build a 1400 Newton Force crossbow using only paddle-pop sticks, plastic straws and pigs’ ears,
- How to build a super laser from 100 presentation pointers and a parallel bank of 1 Fared nano-tech capacitors recovered from secret “lost” military hardware,
- All conspiracy web sites (YE GODS – I would become bored to death), and
- Breeding gerbils that spontaneously explode when inserted into a rectum (we must stand up for the rights of the poor gerbil)
It is well known that if you try to circumvent the filters, you are a criminal and paedophile – so if you are even slightly technically minded, you will be under suspicion and monitored through your TV and computer monitor. I bet you didn’t even know they can watch you through your high-def TV did you? – but they can. How do I know? – conspiracy web sites – and they want to block these – NOW YOU KNOW WHY! Will you just sit there and let this happen you slack jawed friggen yokels?
Let it be known that it will not be tolerated. I propose that all dutiful netizens spend a full 5 minutes in a harmonised growl showing their displeasure at the scheme. Can you imagine how powerful that would be? I calculate that it will require the combined growls of all Internet users to make a significant impact. If only one of you fails to participate, it will not work – do YOU want to be the one that fails to stop this horrendous attack on our God given/Devil given/nothing given right to Internet freedom?
Think about it – let me know.
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Post CommentRask Balavoine
On March 17, 2009 at 5:47 am
You’re a genius Bruce! How many years inside do you think you’ll get for your Toilet Turd fantasy?!? And for the Gonads? Please keep sharing these tortured thoughts with the world – we appreciate them.
Mrs M
On March 17, 2009 at 11:58 am
Whoa…is this all real? I would never have thought that a government would be able to do that. Hopefully for your sake it doesn’t happen.
spiritwalker
On March 17, 2009 at 7:19 pm
i think it is the choice of the individual what to look at or not but are you serious?
Phill Senters
On April 1, 2009 at 10:05 pm
Now you’ve got me feeling bad. I wouldn’t have thought people would do that to those cute little gerbils.
thestickman
On October 29, 2009 at 4:30 pm
Has your psychiatrist even found a name yet for what is WRONG with you? :;-) Whew, -you’re a strange person.
XXElleXX
On March 16, 2010 at 3:02 pm
Hehehe…hmm…the actual blacklist was a bit of a joke…and most of the sites deemed inappropriate for children egs wiki-pedia articles, pro-euthanasia sites, aren’t exactly what I would call illegal or potentially harmful… the Australian Government had no idea and they clearly went overboard with the proposed filtering scheme. Whomever was responsible for that portfolio had no expertise whatsoever and as if it was going to work in the first place ~ what a freakin’ joke!