The Secret of Being Helpful

Several years ago, when I was a young pastor, I rushed to Erlanger Hospital in Chattanooga, Tennessee to visit a a person who had called Contact Telephone Ministry to share that she was in the process of making a suicide attempt. I was following up after the caller had been rescued and taken to the hospital. When I entered I was very anxious. But I found myself immediately calmed as I hurriedly walked into the hospital and saw in the hall a friend, the pastor of  First Christian Church.  He was listening to a troubled family member of someone who was in surgery. Since he was focused on the person with whom he was giving support, I did not interrupt him, but I still felt the same support he was sharing withanother person. The support was coming from his presence.

    When Dr. Debbie Hall wrote an article in 2005 named, “I believe in the power of presence” she had been a psychologist in San Diego’s Naval Medical Center Pediatrics Department for several years. She was reminded of this belief when she and several other Red Cross volunteers met a group of evacuees from Hurricane Katrina. They were there, as mental health professionals, to offer “psychological first aid.” Despite all the training in how to “debrief,” to educate about stress reactions and to screen for those needing therapy, Debbie Hall was struck by the simple healing power of presence. Before they had done anything, as they walked in the gate to the shelter, they were greeted with an ardent burst of gratitude from the first person they encountered. Since Debbie and her team had not done anything yet, they felt guilty for receiving the affirmation. It was at that moment that Debby was reminded of the healing power of  presence.

    Debby describes the healing power of presence in the following statement. “Presence is a noun, not a verb; it is a state of being, not doing. States of being are not highly valued in a culture which places a high priority on doing. Yet, true presence or ‘being with’ another person carries with it a silent power — to bear witness to a passage, to help carry an emotional burden or to begin a healing process. In it, there is an intimate connection with another that is perhaps too seldom felt in a society that strives for ever-faster ‘connectivity.’”