10 Ways You Can Waste Your Entire Day (For Free!)

If you are like me, or most people I know, you are a well-oiled machine of productivity and organization. With almost no effort you seem to get all of your projects done and are ready to move on to the next day’s duties. Sometimes I find myself getting months ahead of schedule. But no more. I’m just tired of achieving everything I set out to do and I’m going to do something about it! Here is a list of a few things I will be doing in the next few days…

1. Deflate the tires on my car, and then re-inflate them.

   Not only would this be an amazing waste of time, it also offers the exciting possibility of overfilling the tires and popping them. I live on the edge.

2. Sleep – but only for 5 minutes at a time.

   You see, one might be tempted to choose sleeping as something to do to waste your day, but this is just isn’t true. Your body does in fact need sleep to be MORE productive. Not good. So I solve this problem by setting an alarm to go off every 5 minutes. This alarm is super-glued to the ceiling and can only be shut off by climbing a rope. This usually takes me about 4.5 minutes to do.

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   Call random people and ask for “Steve”.

   If a “Steve” does come to the phone I just tell them “No, your not Steve. You just can’t be Steve.” and hang up.

4. Get up from my chair, go to the fridge, open it, look inside, shut the door, and sit back down.

   Now, this one is a bit risky because it almost starts to become productive after a few dozen times, almost like working out. I may modify this one a bit by either moving my chair in front of the fridge, or by eating a small piece of butter each time to negate any calories lost.

5. Watch Fox News

   Enough said.

6. Go around and get job applications

   But wait there’s more. After I’ve gone around town getting applications, I go back and return them blank and ask “When do I start?”

7. Write out my dreams and aspirations in a notebook.

   Here I list out all my amazing ideas for business, movie scripts, inventions, ect… and then proceed to NOT do anything about them, ever. I also have the option of getting the book back out and day dreaming about what it would be like if I ever DID do anything with those ideas, but would remain vigilant about not actually going for any of them. This one step could literally be a gold-mine of time wasting for me and I plan to devote a large part of my day on this one!

8. Read all the books I can find about raising cats.

   I’m allergic to cats. Oh and I hate them too. Well kittens are cute I guess. But my throat would close-up and I would die.

9. Constantly click the “Facebook” logo for updates.

   I don’t mean once per hour, I mean constantly. Then I would think of clever remarks I could post but wouldn’t post them. Well, I would type them out and almost submit them, but then I wouldn’t and just go back to clicking the “Facebook” logo.

10. Potty-train my dog.

    Now see, here is another one that seems productive but really isn’t. You see… my dog is extremely stupid. He only barks when the phone rings, and pee’s on my recliner even when the back door is wide-open. His name is Henry.