A Few Things Not to Say to a Women Who Has Miscarriged

 Your young you have plenty of time to have children -  This may be true but age has nothing to do with it and when a women finds out she is pregnant, it’s this baby she is getting ready for. Look at it like this when you where a child and your favorite pet died did the knowledge of you can live your whole life with different animals help. Did this make you think oh well it OK then?.

You can always have another baby- That’s great but may be just maybe the women who has miscarried doesn’t want another baby, she wants the one she was pregnant with.

The baby must have had something wrong with it- This only makes things worse and may make the women start to think that same how she was responsible in some way. That she passed something on to the baby. When this is not the case at all.

It wasn’t meant to be – This is of no comfort at all. 

God has a plan – One this dose nothing if the person is not religious. Two even if they are they may not be live it. thirdly thinking that god wanted their baby dead isn’t at all comforting.

It happens to alot of women – This is really OK to be said if you are the women’s doctor. We like the validation from the doctor that we did nothing wrong. We do not need it repeated as if our loss is dwarfed by everyone else.

I know what you are going through – If you have never had a miscarriage, then you have absolutely no idea what the women is going through.

My friend had a miscarriage – At this point in time a grieving women doesn’t care if your friend miscarried. It’s not a club of which she wants to be a member.

What is it that you miss the most being pregnant or the loss of your baby – this has to be one of the most stupidest things you could ask a grieving women. Isn’t it obvious which she would be missing. And what is the point in asking.

Why are you still grieving -  There is no time limit on how long a women should grieve for. Each women needs their own time to grieve in. 3 months on and i am still grieving.  Be patient and just be there for them. And let the grieve take it’s course. Let them know it’s OK to grieve.

Life goes on-  We know it dose but this is not comforting or of any help.  A grieving women can’t see that just yet.

It can be hard to know what to say to a women who has miscarried. But there are lots of other things that can be said other then the unhelpful ones which can make a women feel worse.  Tell them it wasn’t their fault, tell them that they had done nothing wrong, say that you are sorry for their loss, or you knew how much they wanted that baby. Tell them it was unfair and you wished it hadn’t happened. Be a help because unless you have been through it then there is no one you could understand how hard it is for a women to through a miscarriage. They need you to be a help and support.