A Guide to Tactful Conversation

When To Use A First Name

Be slow to use people’s first name and try not let the other person take the initiative. A man must never call a woman of his own circle by her first name unless he is asked to do so. Usually, she indicates her willingness to be on a more familiar footing simply by calling him by his first name without any explanatory preliminaries, but she may say, “Do call me Joan.”

If a much older man or woman calls a much younger man or woman by his or her name, that does not, of course, indicate that the junior should return the familiarity, although if the relationship continues over many years, it is possible that, in time, it will be appropriate for the younger person to call the older one by his or her Christian name, but even then, it is best to be asked to do so.

If You Cannot Remember Names

No one is ever pleased if you say, “I know your face – but I just can’t recall your name.” Tactful people who are not infallible about names work out a technique for coping with these bad moments. If you are warmly greeted by someone who’s name – or may be whose face, too – you cannot recall, say something harmless such as, “Nice to see you” or “You’re looking well.” Then while looking quite attentive let the other person do the talking until he or she gives a clue as to his identity. Let us hope he does not ever say, “You don’t remember me, do you?” for your own expression should always indicate you remember him well and favorably.

If you have trouble remembering the names that match the faces, always help out the other person who is probably suffering from the same thing. Never say, “Do you remember me?” or “You don’t know who I am, do you.” Instead, in greeting people you have not seen for some time or whom you are meeting outside of your usual place of encounter, identify yourself quickly and gracefully. “How do you do, Mr. Colina, I’m Edwin Medalla of EMCOR, Inc. We did a little business together last summer.” Or when a woman has stopped and is obviously confused as to who you are, Im Edwin Medalla, Miss Orizonte. We see each other at the EMCOR-San Pedro.”