Accepting Our Parent’s Decisions

I was raised by a man other than my real father for most of my life. This is the man, who to me, is my father. My “real” father is an alcoholic, a liar, a thief, a cheat, and a racist. How far the apple can fall huh. The racist part is actually somewhat of interest to most people because as many can plainly see, I am brown. I suppose it is the opposite of the stereotype of preacher and policeman’s kids. I am everything he isn’t. I suppose this is because I was raised by my mother because my father was sent to prison when I was eighteen months old. I am actually grateful for this. Don’t get me wrong, I do not hate my biological father or hold any resentments.

Things were far from easy, but I still am glad for the life I’ve lived. I am writing this because I know many kids out there may wish their parents were together. Perhaps, their parents are divorcing and they wish they weren’t. I know that often, in these cases, one parent is blamed more than the other for their situation. But it isn’t your parent that you are truly hurting, it is yourself. For years, I resented my father. I felt that maybe life wouldn’t have been so hard if we would have been around. As I’ve grown up, I have realized that my life would have been very different if he was around-and not for the better. I probably would have ended up on drugs, drinking, in jail or pregnant. My mother is an amazing woman and God knows that I will always be grateful for all that she went through so that I could have a somewhat normal and happy life.

I am sure that seeing your parents divorcing can be hard. It is a change and one that is not only hard to accept and witness but also to understand. I cannot speak for you if you are going through this but I can speak for myself. I would rather see my parents divorce than to end up killing each other. I would also rather my parents to be apart than to each be miserable with each other. I know that there were a lot of decisions my mother made when I was a kid that I couldn’t understand but as I have grown I have realized why she made them. I think that often it is hard to understand why parents divorce or separate but when we grow up I think things become more clear.

I’d also like to say that it is easy to play the blame game. But the truth is just as you wouldn’t want your parents getting involved in your love life and that they often do not understand why you do or don’t date a particular person and that it is actually your business as to what you do; it is theirs in what they do as well. I know some people who have taken their blame to an extreme of stopping relations with a certain parent altogether. I do not recommend this because you never know when your parent will be gone. The decisions we make now can often affect us later-not the people we make them against but us. They are not the ones who have to live with the bitterness of hatred-we do. Also, you will one day be a parent and you do not know if your marriage will one day end and how your children will feel about you for that. I am not speaking of karma but merely how life can be. Although we don’t always agree or accept our parent’s decisions, we sometimes have to just weather the storm because we cannot change the situation. We can only love our parents for who they are individually and love ourselves enough to not hold on to bitterness or blame.