Adios, Shyness

The next party, as Holly Hunter, I tried a new tactic.  I just kept asking people questions, for people just love to talk about themselves.  And they thought I was great company just for listening and being interested—enthusiastically, like Holly, of course.

My social fears were subsiding.  I won’t say that I didn’t feel awkward at first.  Or didn’t make mistakes.  But I kept practicing and learning about how to talk to different kinds of people. The invisible force that clamped my mouth shut got looser and looser, and my inner Draco started to give up, talking only in whispers.

My transformation didn’t happen overnight.  It happened little by little.  Sometimes I’d think I would never make it, but then I’d impress someone.  People stopped avoiding me and my anxiety.  Every time I practiced, I got better and more comfortable with my “lines and moves”.  And I began to discover my own lines and moves that had been trapped inside.  I no longer felt dread when invited to parties, clubs, and other crowd scenes.  Instead I began to relish those invitations, looking forward to another chance to practice.  I began to buy some new threads to better immerse myself in my new “role”.  My confidence grew.  I started to get books instead of movies from the library, so I’d have more to talk about. 

Then one day I realized the fear was completely gone.  I had become the beautifully dressed, charming, loquacious person I had always wanted to be.

Epilogue:  Over the years, I’ve also come to realize that socializing takes a lot of energy, so I’ve had to stay in shape.  Also important, I had to reprogram myself to replace negative thoughts with positive, for my inner Draco thrives on the negative and hypercritical.