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Are You a Control Freak?

What makes control freaks tick and how you can handle them.

Do you know someone who flips out if you spill something?Is there someone in your life who takes credit for your successes?Is there someone who is constantly telling you how to do everything?Do you know someone who constantly invades your privacy?
Do you know someone who will keep a long argument going with you because they may be wrong?

Control freaks, we have all met them, and some of us are unfortunate enough to have to live with some of them. In this article, I am hoping to help those of you who have them in your life, learn how to deal with them and keep control in your own life without letting them take over. The other purpose of this article, is to find out if you are a control freak, and how to get a grip.

Now, it is only natural to want be in control of your own life, but when you feel you have to have control of everyone else’s life, you have a problem. These are the key aspects of a Control Freak. They have a driving need to create your agenda, they insist on controlling all their interactions with you, basically, they have to run the show and call they shot – OR ELSE.

Phsycologists call this a personality disorder, and all though you might not find a specific disease named for these poor freaks, their characteristics can often be found in perfectionists and workaholics, and it is considered to be an Obessesive Compulsive Disorder. They have an inability to trust or make commitments because they fear that someone might notice they are not perfect.

Helpful hint: To anyone afraid someone will notice their flaws, NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE is perfect! And that includes YOU!

Control freaks ultimate fear is that if they lose control of themselves, their relationships, or anything or anyone around them, that they will be vulnerable. They believe that they can protect themselves if they have this control. They feel the urge to control to new heights, and when they have finally caused the people they are trying to control the stress that they are feeling, they feel a sense of order. These people are riddled with fear, anxiety, insecurity, and anger to amounts at which they cannot control. Underneath that controlled attitude is a mountain of unhappiness and depression.

What makes a Control Freak Tick?

It has been found, that the main need to control is driven by anxiety, though a Control Freak would never recognize this, and even if they did, they would deny it. At work, they worry about failure. In their relationship they dread that they will not have their needs met, or that they will not be good enough. In order to keep this anxiety from overwhelming them, they feel they only way to avoid feeling those emotions is to control the people or things around them. They have a harder time than most normal people when it comes to negotiating or compromising, because it would mean they would have to give up some of their control, and it would also implicate that they are not perfect, and Control Freaks H-A-T-E imperfection. If you can’t tell, or don’t know already, this can make them hard to live with. Whether you are working with them, living with them, or just plain stuck in a circle that involves them.

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  1. kolleen

    On April 16, 2008 at 8:04 pm


    what if this control freak is the classroom teacher that you work under?

  2. jbgood

    On May 29, 2008 at 2:08 am


    Control freaks are the most irritating form of life I have come across. If you have a family member who is like this or are unfortunate enough to have married one it is very difficult to turn your back on them which is what they deserve. They have no conscience since everything they do is a consequence of your actions. Every simple request is a battle of wills. They feed of negative energy and are the eternal victims. Walk away from them permanently if possible.

  3. a control freak myself

    On October 30, 2008 at 2:24 pm


    Please take it easy on us. I’m not trying to make you feel bad but obviously if we could control our behaviour we would. Do you think control freaks who are also perfectionists want to look like they are out of control of any situation. We don’t try to belittle you to make ourselves feel better we do it because we’re trying to voice how we feel about ourselves and tend to transfer it to the people we love and trust the most, thinking they will be understanding. I am trying to seek help for my husband’s sake so we can both be happy and as normal as possible. I truly believe that this is more than us being “mean” or “abusive” but an actual mental disorder like anxiety. Maybe you shouldn’t be so hard on a group of people without talking to them first and trying to understand where they are coming form as well. You tell people to “walk out” or to “leave the situation” but I believe that is the worst thing to do. I know in my case I appreciate when my husband explains his point of view because I do love him and don’t want to see him hurt but I also have come to conclusions in my head that “must” be the case because he didn’t react or do what I was expecting. Every time he has stopped and said “honey, I didn’t mean it like that. What I meant was…” I stop trying to be in control and in turn feel comforted and nurtured which is what I’m striving for in the first place.
    I don’t want to be in control and I hate that I feel I have to. I push myself into mental breakdowns and have been hospitalized for exhaustion due to pushing myself so hard because “if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself”. I don’t want to make others feel inadequate or below me because inside I feel as though I am the lowest, worst person that God ever created.
    If you truly love the people who are control freaks due to anxiety and self loathing, then stay by us and talk to us calmly. Explain yourself to us because we assume that our process of thinking is how everybody thinks and from what I’ve read and come to understand that couldn’t be further from the truth.
    This is an actual problem in some cases, like mine. While I do not believe anyone should put up with any form of abuse at the same time if the person in your life who is a control freak is down on themselves a lot as well, they probably don’t realize it’s hurtful because that’s how they talk to themselves.

  4. I am a control freak

    On November 4, 2008 at 12:37 pm


    and I just realized it … how can I get better or improve? Has anyone found any free online resources that would help me change my behavior?

  5. I am one too!

    On November 6, 2008 at 6:39 am


    It is not because I want to be in control of anyone, I just dont know how to handle the dissapointment of things not going to plan. So yes it is easier -on the surface- to do everything yourself rather than leave it up to other people and be upset by it not going right. But I have been plesantly surprised on a number of occasions when things have just turned out okay when done by someone else! I am wondering how people stop thinking of the bad things that have gone wrong…maybe if I could get that guilt out of my head then I would not be so much like this?

  6. eh

    On November 11, 2008 at 9:10 am


    Interesting article despite its terribly harsh tone, and the most depressing thing that it was plagiated, poorly too…. I’ll comment on the piece here however, for those who happened to read it anyway before it’s being reported. (Do you do that here?)

    Sometimes popular psychology like this de-humanizes the ‘people’ they are talking about and attempts to justify all kinds of uncaring attitudes towards other people that have their problems.

    I think it sounds terrible to say that one should just walk away from a ‘control freak’ – surely, one has to keep some distance, but that’s a subtle thing, and depends also on how close you want to be that person yourself. Control freaks are people, too, with their good and bad sides. And they need lots of love, especially because they are having such a hard time.

    And it’s not true, for example, as was seen by the very reflective responses of a couple of control freaks, that they wouldn’t be able to realize their situation. These people may, at the right moment, or with time, begin to change. Like my mother did.

    Control freaks can be very kind people in a way, too. A good cause can go wrong when the nurturing or instruction becomes too intrusive. Sometimes it’s pleasant to be cared after, and then it’s not.

    And finally, paradoxically, this article seems to me very control-freakish itself. For example saying: “…that’s what the control freak hates!”, sounds very scornful to me. The whole tone of this article seems to be that of ‘controlling the control freak’. The coping mechanisms presented here sound quite applicable to me, however, in the long run, you need a whole lot of compassion and time to help someone, and it’s _always_ a serious issue of whether you will become a control freak yourself in the process.

  7. truck

    On November 12, 2008 at 6:49 pm


    Control freaks I have lived with one for 34 years the majority of the article is correct as always every personality has a variety of differences.However the basic thrust of the article remains true, Its has given me insight of where to begin. I have observed and had professional opinion that in my case the traits of a control freak are generated way long before adulthood but in childhood by their parents, schooling i do not believe that control freaks are not created in adulthood although the skills needed to survive are. Control freaks trying to change is going to a very difficult if not impossible, the best I cannot hope for is that my wife will acknowledge the problem and give me a little respect.

  8. My mother is one

    On November 14, 2008 at 5:20 am


    I am 57 years of age and have a mother who is almost a cliché control freak. Whenever I don’t allow my mother to control me she ocmes out with the all too familiar: “I never want to see you again”. Then refuses to speak to me for a number of years. Little does she realise how peaceful the breaks are and not to have her interfering and attempting to direct my life. When I do not contct her during my terms of banishment she tries to manipulate me back into her l ife through others, claiming she has to have a medical operation, etc. After the kiss and make up period and her promises that she won’t fall back into her old behavior things go well for a month or two but then it starts up again. She has caused so much damage in our family; my brother, her sisters, brother and all her friends refuse to see her as they cannot bear her behavior. She is too awful for words.

  9. My boss was one

    On November 14, 2008 at 10:36 am


    My last two line managers were control freaks and perfectionists. The first one was very bullying and upset a lot of managers as well so she left before being pushed. My second boss was nice for a year but very controlling and things deteriorated after we changed offices and had to work sitting next to each other in closer proximity (he had his own office before). The main article mentions ‘walking away’ from a control freak but sitting next to your line manager week after week doesn’t give you that option unfortunately! My boss would be nice to my face and encourage me to take more responsibility by doing reports for him but then behind my back he would change everything I’d done (and I mean everything) so my work was diminished. He’d had to double check all work done and would make changes in red (just like a teacher) even though I’m someone who likes to be accurate. I remember once I typed up some minutes and afterwards he made me re-do all the attendee names in alphabetical order. I did challenge him many times as assertively as I could but he would not change (a sure sign of a control freak perhaps?). Fortunately he resigned 3 months ago but he had slowly chipped away at my confidence for 3 years and made me by very subtle means feel undermined. My new boss is starting in January so I’m going to an assertiveness course at the weekend to hopefully find some coping strategies so I don’t feel like a ’sitting duck’ for the new guy. I think my area of work attracts perfectionists (you need to have highly accurate work and pay attention to detail) and as I’m a lot of older than these bosses I wonder if they feel threatened by someone older who’s been there longer than them. As I can’t change those facts I hoping to find ways for ‘damage limitation’ in case this happens again. I am writing this as I’ve read a great deal about control freaks as people or how they behave in personal relationships but little as bosses in the workplace so if someone else reads this who has a ‘control freak’ boss they know they’re not the only ones! Thanks for reading!

  10. Me and my daughter

    On November 30, 2008 at 2:33 am


    I have to deal with two control freaks on a weekly basis. My ex-husband and my ex-mother-in-law. Because I have a daughter out of the divorce from these people, they think they can both tell me what to do with her. If I choose not to listen, they both try and push my buttons anyway they can. I end up getting very highly upset with them. It feels like they do enjoy when I am upset. It is unfair to my daughter and I, especially when I am being threatened for the loss of my daughter if I don’t calm down when they are pushing my buttons. From your article, I see that being calm really is my best weopon with these people. I do not want to lose my daughter because I have a hard time controling my anger with these people. It is my ex-mother-in-law that enjoys it the most, the rise she gets out of me. She doesn’t care if my daughter is in the room when this happens. She will push my buttons anyway she can and she does it with a smile on her face, literally. This article has given me insight that these people have an abusive, mental or personality disorder that they need help for from a qualified psychologist or psychiatrist. They are hurting myself and my daughter with their control freak attitudes and I will no longer give in to their ways. I now realize just how satisfied they are when I get upset. It is their goal to make themselves feel better by thinking they are protecting themselves by hurting me. I could see if I was a no good mother, maybe I’d deserve it. Either way, my daughter doesn’t need this behavior around her. God does not approve of this behavior to have the need to abusively control people. This article “feels” the way I’ve been treated. I will not get upset and lose my daughter over their abusive behavior.

  11. jtld424

    On November 30, 2008 at 5:42 pm


    Thank You for writting what you all have written here, I realize that I am a Control Freak, in fact just today all the signs are there and I understand me now. I want to end this awful way of life not by death and not by my loved ones walking away from me but with help and understanding. I know that I did not get this way because I wanted too. I can pinpoint where and why and from whom but it wont change that fact. I just want to change me. So don’t say walk away, abandon them?, don’t love them anymore?, that is one of the reason we became Control Freaks. So help us. Thank You

  12. js

    On December 21, 2008 at 10:29 pm


    OMG I am sooooo happy to read this and see that my feelings about my ex/current/ex are perfectly (ab)normal! hahahaha..all the stress..normal..all the b.s….normal.. and my desire to remain calm and allow him “feel” like he is in control..it is in all actuality, me, in control.. Poor guy has sooo much admitted anxiety, depression and angst, I almost feel sad for him. After the first week of break-up-ness..I was a mess..but it gets easier for me and doesn’t change for him..He has a specific pattern. Now that I can see it… I am back to normal! Although I am sad that we can not be together, I am happy that I can return to my past anxiety free lifestyle!!

  13. frankco

    On January 4, 2009 at 12:09 pm


    controls freaks are evil self center ,have feeling only for them selfs will destroy childrens relationship and children will have no backbones.leave when you can

  14. Harlow

    On January 18, 2009 at 4:08 pm


    Thank you so much for this article.

    I am married to a critical control freak and up until few days ago, my life was living hell.
    Somehow, I started googling about control freaks and once I read that it is a personality disorder, the huge burden was lifted off my shoulders.
    I instantly realized why he was doing what he was doing and moreover that I am not arguing with my husband, I am arguing with this serious PERSONALITY DISORDER. ( also very similar to narcissistic disorder).
    That meant a world to me, I actually got over my anger, almost overnight! He is sick and he can’t help it. It’s his inner turmoil that makes him act the way he acts.

    I wish everybody who has to deal with these people could realize that person they think they are dealing with is NOT THERE. Their reality is CONSTANTLY DISTORTED, driven by their own fear.
    Once you take it from there, you can read and find out how to deal with it. You will not take it personally, they are not evil, they are just ill.
    It is not you, it’s them, but they make you feel like you’re losing your mind and it just never ends.
    You can change it! Guilt is the worst part of it all and you are constantly giving up pieces of your integrity and soul, just to please them and it’s never enough.

    I also listened to a podcast of Dr. David Hawkins, ( I think he calls himself a Relationship Doctor or something) he gives you some advice, one of them is “NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER argue with control freak”. It really effin works! They have nothing to attack anymore and they calm down ( and even if they don’t you know it’s not you and it’s their problem). You can calmly disagree and walk away.
    You suddenly feel superior, knowing this big truth. ( unlike before when you were belittled and when your VERY BEST was never enough).
    At first, I felt defeated and even more helpless but something just clicked and I got it.

    I suggest read up on it, do not try to change them, do not waste your time and emotions, ( that are probably depleted enough), they do not see things the way normal people do.
    I wish I knew this years ago, but it’s never too late.
    It’s like one article said, “you can’t hate a snake for being a snake, it can’t help it”.
    Good luck everyone and God bless you!

  15. susie

    On January 19, 2009 at 1:20 pm


    Have read a lot of stuff on this subject of control .Its happened to me and I’m not putting up with it any more!!I’m now in the situation where I will avoid the person who seems to know how and when to press my buttons……a family member.However this will mean I miss out on fellowship with other people in my group.
    My marriage has been through the mill because of this controlling person and now I just want some peace so I’m putting distance between us and getting on with my life and NOT BEING A VICTIM ANY MORE

  16. Kelly

    On January 21, 2009 at 8:47 pm


    Control freaks at my workplace right now are destroying my soul and my physical health. I despise them. They ARE abusive bullies. But….Control freaks will always be defeated by one thing though, that is sickness and death which they cannot escape. by that time, most people will hate them and have little pity for them. As so it should be. Chronic abusive behavior is unacceptable. I think all of us want to be in control or have our own way to a degree, but control freaks really have problems. But control freaks eventually betray themselves by their controlling ways eventually revealing their true weakness which is their unbearable insecurity, they give themselves away by their own behavior. I am amazed that they cannot see that for themselves.

  17. Goorgie

    On February 7, 2009 at 3:18 pm


    I have a sister who is a control freak. She would shout and yell at the top of her lungs to make sure that she is right and everbody else is wrong. She wants to control what everybody does. The above information is very helpful in understanding control freaks. You’re right it is hard to live with somebody like that. Everytime she yells at me i want to take a cyanide pill because I can’t take it. She’s one of those people that are never wrong and can never “I’m sorry.” I have to move away because it’s causing me anxiety which is what I have along with depression and bipolar’disorder except I don’t have enough money to move out. I’ll just have to suffer through till a housing opening comes up.

  18. Lottie

    On February 11, 2009 at 9:21 am


    I know control freaks can be abusive and cruel. However, I think I may be one. I love people but have had so much terrible stuff hapen in my life from others, I need to be alone now to control it. My mother was an alcoholic who was murdered. My father an egotistical meglamaniac who bullied me and my mother. I had anorexia as a child. Now I want to finish everyone’s sentences, plan everything in advance and look for every eventuality. Also, I have to do something to make sure it’s right. I also can’t trust anyone not to hurt me, so everyone, physically and psychologically, does not get close to me. I always kep a bit of me hidden away from people so I can’t be hurt. Yeah I am afraid of failiure, I was always told how selfish, useless or stupid I was growing up. I don’t want to dominate others, I just don’t want anymore people influencing my life, hurting me, controling me or belitteling me. I love people and would do anything for anyone, as long as it’s my way. I hope I am not so hated by everyone, all I want for myself and other’s is for no one to suffer pain.

  19. Married to a control freak

    On March 16, 2009 at 12:12 pm


    Words for thought….. walking out on a control freak does not mean forever. Sometimes you need to just walk away from the situation until claim has returned. It can be destructive to stand and fight/argue when the communication stops and thats when it turns against you. I know, I have to do this often with my husband who is a big control freak over my children and myself. When the family dispute gets to heated its sometimes better to walk away for awhile, call each other on the phone or return in an hour or two. Sometimes HE IS MAD because I left so I wait longer until both of us are calm again and can talk. If you are out of self control and patients you will do no one any good to stay and continue the debate/battle. But I also understand this may not work for everyone as the control freak stated above. She said it made her feel worse, but her husband communicates with her. Its a hard road, I know I’ve lived it for 13 yrs I stay because of love and the loving attentive side I see in my husband. But the Dr Jeckle and Mr Hyde life gets tough sometimes. Find what works for BOTH of you and keep communications (not control) in the relationship. Good Luck and God Bless to Both Control Freaks, loved ones and friends.

  20. Lou x

    On March 16, 2009 at 1:56 pm


    My sister is coming up 20 and she is living with a control freak… all the family can see what hes doing to her, but she just can’t see it herself, she does exacally what he wants her to say on the phone. He won’t even let her see her family anymore and its completly annyed everyone :@

  21. R. MacKenzie

    On March 19, 2009 at 11:34 pm


    I have a sister-in-law who is a control freak…type 2…wants to
    control everyone in her life. She is very paranoid, accusing me and others of doing things to hurt her, hold her back, keep her out of the loop…I don’t know what she claims is the reasoning behind our so-called poor behavior towards her. We have nothing to gain by dissing her but she evidently doesn’t see it that way. Bottom line…she doesn’t trust us. After twenty years of being in the family, she still doesn’t trust us. Whose got the problem here? For twenty years she has made these false accusations and we have calmly, nicely and truthfully explained there was no intent to hurt her.
    Recently while in the middle of handling a medical emergency of a family member she called and in a rude, cold tone informed me that SHE was offended that she hadn’t been informed of the news by me and sooner. (A niece, who happened to call while I was at the hospital, informed my S-I-L) I was shocked that she was thinking of only herself and had the gall to interrupt the handling of this emergency by letting me know her feelings were hurt. And she didn’t once ask for an update or status report of the family member whom was eventually admitted for suffering a heart attack. Nor did she ever visit the patient in the hospital. I calmly explained to her that my main priority was to get to the hospital and focus on medical treatment. She had not been singled-out as no one had been called yet. Hadn’t had the chance. I thought that would resolve the issue.

    Nope! Two days later I hear from her again and she, in a “rubbing it in my face” mode explains how she told other people that she hadn’t been informed and they were very angry too. IMO she was telling me this to support her stand that she had good reason to be upset…RE: other people agree with her.This told me that she didn’t believe my explanation and was purposely stirring trouble by talking to others about her claims.

    That’s when I blew up at her. I know you’re not suppose to react to a control freak with anger…but it wasn’t planned, she just pushed my buttons. Handling her control freakness is hard enough but mix it with the inappropriateness of timing during a major medical emergency and the fact that it was a highly emotional time..and I lost my cool.

    She and I don’t speak now. While I wish that wasn’t the case, it is probably best to keep my distance, as suggested in this
    article. However, what bothers me is, others in the family, who were witnesses to the S-I-L’s actions and were upset by them, are suddenly silent. My relationship with my brother (the S-I-L’s husband) has changed. He is cool towards me and has made comments with innuendo that everything I did was wrong and she did and does everything right. She was the poor victim. He doesn’t realize she’s a control freak or doesn’t want to admit it…to himself or others, eventhough his children have tried to tell him for years and finally gave up.

    I understand there isn’t any drug that controls this mental disorder nor treatment that has been found effective. But,
    we innocent bystanders need more help in dealing with these people than…stay calm and back away. Isn’t that just enabling the control freaks’ behavior? Especially when the control freak is in your family, twenty years of staying calm and backing away is too much for even the most restrained and tolerant person to have to bare.

  22. Pesky

    On April 11, 2009 at 8:29 pm


    Being a control freak can be an ugly and sad way to approach life, but control freaks are people too.

    When a control freak tries to take over, I do my best to actively listen, evaluate the situation and what is best for me, and do what I need to do in order to keep peace without enabling the control freak behavior. Just because they think they have to be in control does not mean they know what’s best.

    I was once a control freak; it was a learned behavior from my father.

    It took a close friend 15 years ago to tell me that it was unbecoming, and that it made her not want to be around me (*ouch*). That’s when I started objectively listening and observing myself, and realized a change was in order.

    People don’t change unless they want to.

    Love the person.
    Hate the affliction.

  23. Allen_123

    On April 12, 2009 at 8:35 pm


    I recently have broken up with a woman which I cherished and loved for three years. She sed her sexuality to allure me and on the first date literally attacked me sexually. After being with her for several months she had affairs (which she denied and I could prove) and even at the end she was violating fidelity issues. She always accused me of this behavioe and I never even looked at another woman. She had to control every aspect of what we did and when we did anything, even the most mundane. I tried calm and supportive approaches. I tried to have discussions which would offer encouragement support. She would have nothing to do with that. We went to counseling together, where she put a totally different face, but then became very passive agressive in the aftermath and completely ignored any suggestions or solutions offered by the therapist. One week after our break up she was in the bed with another man who she now claims to love.
    Ok, with all that, I must tell you that unless you have the patience of Job or are up for Sainthood, enduring or trying to help the control freak is a recipe for mental illness. Don’t walk away, Run your ass off and find someone that wants to have a loving relationship adn wants a nuturing environment where you both can grow and experience the bliss of romance and love.

  24. jed

    On April 28, 2009 at 9:09 pm


    my sister in law in a cotrol freak she wants every ones life to be just how she wants it hitleric i would say can you imagine someone who gets in your face psycho analizes you and your other siblings and will go to any length to organize your life your food your time, your dog etc to all you frikin control freaks get a guitar a van and go be a hippie chill out before you knock the planet off its axis….jed

  25. jo

    On May 24, 2009 at 1:01 pm


    i was in a relationship for 6 yrs . had a little boy also had a son byprevious partner . my ex was a violent controll freak. he would cheat on me talk down to me made me feel like dirt .would give me things and then take them away. will not let me speak he can speak to me but im not allowed to reply because he is speaking. he spoke to me like he was my father punishing me. my life now is still rubbish he still controls me through our 4 yr old he has started to do things like would say goodbye to my son if he didnt get a reaction or got a small 1 he would say or shall i say . daddys gotta go now and then rubs it in then my boy gets upset and starts crying even more than usual , he gets a kick outta it i really hate him he no s wat he does and others do 2 some controll freaks are not like him but he has some serious issues he is 1 messed up freak which loves upsetting his son so he feels needed

  26. Andi

    On May 29, 2009 at 4:53 am


    RUN, these people will suck the life, personality, rights out of you and still believe they are nice and you are at fault. Save your sanity and RUN. They don’t change, because, in their minds, their never wrong, you are, even if everyone hates them.

    I’m sorry, but I don’t feel sorry for them, get help and keep other people at a distance if you’re a control freak and yo ureally love these people you will spare them your insanity.

  27. about_to_lose_my_mind

    On June 18, 2009 at 9:58 am


    I have just realized that my boyfriend’s sister is a control freak. After reading this article, I noticed that all the signs are there. For the past year I just couldn’t figure out why she would constantly put me on the spot, tease me, annoy me, invade my privacy and the latest thing that happened: she stuck her nose where it didn’t belong i.e. my bf and I were having a somewhat heated discussion when guess who decides to come along and get involved in the whole damn thing. She had no place whatsoever. She put me on the spot and demanded I answer to her and give her an explanation (???!!!) sorry but, what a psycho!! I couldn’t believe it ! I lost my cool.. I mean.. what do you expect. My bf and I are both in our 30s..we can definitely handle our own problems, not to mention IT WAS NONE OF HER BUSINESS. But no, she had to gang up on me and ruin everything. Needless to say, I got mad at my bf for not defending me/standing up for me. He just stood there..doing nothing. I felt he could have at least told her to please stay out of it.
    Anyway.. I just don’t know what to do.. my relationship is suffering because of all this. Im so sad and so angry at the same time.

  28. Lynnie

    On July 10, 2009 at 3:09 pm


    I am a control freak myself. Have been all of my life.
    I am going to try cognitive behavioral therapy.
    It focuses on our fear, the unknown. What we don’t know WE cannot control. Therefore we get anxious, violent, demanding, or basically controlling because we are in a panic state.
    We have the same natural reaction as anyone, to panic when we don’t know what is going to happen. I swear by the, “What ifs?”. It does me no good. The majority of the things that we worry about will never happen anyway. The problem is..I am far too intelligent for my own good. I recognize my behaviors, have been given the tools to change…or at least make an effort, yet I haven’t done it. The problem is, I know what to do, just not how to go about it. It’s a switch and once it gets turned on I don’t know how to turn it off. Talking to myself doesn’t work. Breathing and punching something doesn’t work. Getting violent doesn’t work. Now my relationship is suffering.
    I am going to college to be an engineer. And the main purpose of an engineer is to dissect something. But see, I want to dissect other things than my relationships and the people in them. I have dissected myself and every person I have tried to form a relationship even as simple as a friendship or co-worker with.
    It isn’t fair to them and it isn’t fair to me. I am not living the best life that I could be living.
    Cognitive behavioral therapy helps to face the Obsessive compulsiveness head on by giving you tools to use during real life situations when you are under stress. The calmer we are in a chaotic or stressful situation the more clear we think.
    All you have to do is go to http://www.bing.com and type in “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy” See if you think it may be right for you. Its more of a hands on type therapy, instead of “just talking” about your problems. This particular form gives you true scenarios in which you will have to utilize your coping skills. It is also effective in as little as 16 sessions. Its briefer and more in depth than an our with someone who agrees with everything you say.
    I am going to try it and see how well it goes. Good luck.

  29. Citrus

    On August 22, 2009 at 9:07 am


    Hi, I have read the whole article and comments….and I am frozen to recognize most of the control freak behaviours in myself. I never knew about this things until today just because I started searching internet and somehow it accrossed my way.
    It may answer my grieve and loneliness, even when I have some people around.
    Being control freak is something I would like to get rid off, because it hurts me so much, and I am afraid that it DOES hurt people I DO love much too, and I do not wish them to walk away from me. If I am a control freak I WILL CHANGE IT for the sake of the people I love and myself.
    It feels like a heavy coat you cannot remove. How could I shed off this bad coat and start living a normal enjoyable life?
    I will try the http://www.bing.com today and will seek my GP help too. Any more suggestions are welcome.
    Control freaks are not monsters, just have to learn how to be happy ourselves to make others happy too.
    God bless you all for he harsh and nice comments, they were all helpful for me to awaken up.

  30. rage

    On September 16, 2009 at 4:04 am


    I am married to one( a CF). I try hard to put up with it. He yells at me infront of our employees and clients, so humiliating. We have 3 very young children and walking away is not the best option, so I just cut myself with needles and pins on the arm.
    I am so stuck.

  31. gimmeabreak

    On September 19, 2009 at 3:32 pm


    let me respond to those of you self professed “Control Freaks”. there is no time in which its ok for you to think that your loved ones, co-workers or anyone else should have to put up with your behavior. You are clearly here for a reason, and if 90% of the people you know say you need help, then get it. Don’t start off acting like the victim. Everybody’s a victim of something. It’s what you choose to do about it that matters. I have lived with a control freak who fits every iota of this description, who has threatened my children, makes life an absolute living hell for us and his co-workers. There is no pleasing him ever… He is now a very unhappy single man who refused help. So quit acting like you’re the victim and get some professional help. Just because the cause is a disorder doesn’t mean everyone else has to put up with it, when YOU know RIGHT NOW you can seek help. You just don’t want to because you like being in control. I came from a childhoold of extreme physical and sxual abuse, and have in addition to professional help, decided NOT to carry those behaviors forward. YOU CAN take control of Change.It’s just more comfortable for you to stay the way you are. Get off your pity train and do it.

  32. Victory

    On September 23, 2009 at 10:46 am


    Well if nobody is perfect why do we seem to live in a society that nearly abuses people to death over minor mistakes. I think that society produces Workaholic controlling people, I mean look at what goes on and ask yourself.

  33. C. Langdon

    On September 26, 2009 at 8:51 pm


    I want to comment, but where do I begin? In and out of a gay relationship that has dealt with many problems and the CF disorder was never one of them. The over riding theme was always, if I could get my s_ _ _ together, life for the two of us would be perfect. Now four years later, I’m seeing the big picture. Like the article says, he won’t recognize the problem and certainly won’t accept it as truth. If he agrees at all, it would be that this is a legitmate problem…..for some, but not him. How do you get thru to them? What must take place for them to be openminded and objective? Can this disorder be treated with the hopes of leading an otherwise normal and productive life? It’s too late for us, but I would like to know he could someday be involved in a healthy, balanced relationship. As it stands now….it just not going to happen.

  34. Barb

    On October 7, 2009 at 11:46 am


    My Dad was the ultimate control freak, although he did seem to “come around”, especially whenever I left home. Unfortunately, I was a great “wanderer” (from here to Alaska/Yukon) and northern Quebec, but I always went home again. The poor man didn’t need that, I guess.

    He may have believed in me more had I proven I could stand on my own….as I finally do now.

  35. D.

    On October 11, 2009 at 1:55 pm


    Hi, I’m a control-freak too.
    Help!
    I love my partner. I know we can make it.

    I don’t want to lose everything and the person I love.

  36. j bird

    On October 16, 2009 at 1:42 am


    By the time I realized I was being targeted by a control freak (an immediate family member) I was already suffering from such low self esteem I couldn’t feel good about myself for anything. Thats when I realized that the times when this person seemed to feel the happiest was during unavoidable problems in my life involving job loss, chronic family health and financial problems. No loving support or positive words of comfort just insults of how I surely brought it upon myself because I don’t do anything right. I thought to myself, wow, this person is seriously cold. When things were going good for me there were also rude comments during holidays, special occassions and so on about my clothes, hair, items I purchased etc. Very personal scattered attacks about trivial everyday things. No difference what was going on. After taking the high road for years on end I finally blew my cork for a very public put down and said some choice things that cannot be forgotten by anyone and now this person is living happily ever after with their made up stories about how about how awful I have always been and how I proved it that day. I wasn’t trying to compete in a battle of wills with this person but there would be no way to win against these masters of double talk. They always have all purpose answers and excuses prepared in case they need them. They are so good at it that your head will be spinning as they turn every complaint you have about the way they treat you into something you did to deserve it. And you will believe it too till you walk away and think, “What just happened here?” It won’t be the last time either.

  37. whoa - you nailed my wife as one!

    On November 27, 2009 at 12:01 pm


    I love her very much, but it is so hard. Here’s something that might help some of you understand what you’re dealing with.

    I knew for many years that she had an uncle who had been exiled from the family, due to some sort of sex abuse issues. I didn’t know anything beyond that, and I wasn’t even curious. Until –

    I read somewhere that these types of control freak behaviors are common in child sex abuse victims – esp. if they are somehow meant to feel that they are somehow responsible for what happened. My lightbulb lit up – I mentioned it to her, and, sure enough, she was the victim – at age 3 or 4. Her mom’s kind of messed up too, and is more than capable of making a little kid feel like they brought such a thing on themselves.

    Interestingly, over time, my wife’s acknowledgment has gone from minimizing the event – it really didn’t amount to anything – to saying it didn’t happen – to saying (during a disagreement) that if i ever bring it up again, she’ll CUT MY THROAT! She’s the queen of denial, but still…

    Anyway, I love her and I’m not walking away from our 25-year marriage. I’ve got to find a way to make things better. unfortunately, I don’t have the greatest self-image either…

  38. mariam

    On February 1, 2010 at 5:23 am


    OMG. My life has become a living hell. I have worked her for almost 20 years and have always had good relationships with my supervisors and co-workers and excellent work reviews. Our workplace was a pleasant respectful and friendly environment. However, our new department head is a pathetic eunuch who can’t make a decision to save his life. One of the recently promoted managers has wormed his way stepped into the department head’s confidence and has stepped into the leadership void and has orchestrated a reorganization of the department. THe eunuch aids and abets because he needs someone to tell him what to do and to run things for him. The tail wags the dog.

    First our unit was disbanded because my former supervisor disagreed with Control Freak and stood up to him on some issue. I was sent, along with another co-worker, to report to another manager who is a bully. She is the narcisstic type who will go to any lengths of deceit and manipulation to further her career. Right now she is working as the control-freak’s pit bull. I just want to be left alone to do my job and I have found overwhelming her with information works well. I give her a report every week of what I’ve done, what needs to be done and what steps I am taking in great detail so that I have a written record of what I have told her. She doesn’t like to put anything in writing and she perhaps to be able to lie about what she said later. Right now she is being nice to me because she needs my knowledge but I have absolutely no doubt she would throw me under the bus if she didn’t think she needed me anymore or if she needed someone to blame. My co-worker has not been as lucky and the pit-bull plays a version of mean girls, scape-goating my friend, for whatever goes wrong and picking apart everything she does and then very obviously favouring other workers who suck up to her (out of fear, not friendship) and trying to get them to ignore my friend as well. My friend is also a loyal and longstanding employee with a flawless performance record.

    Meanwhile, when you make a tiny mistake or don’t do everything in exactly the way he wants (even if he hasn’t told you what that is) Mr. Control Freak says things like:
    EIther you are imcompetent or you just don’t care.
    or “I take it extremely personally when you make a mistake. I feel you are deliberately trying to sabotage me.”

    He has tried to prevent us from communicating with other employers or supervisors. He demands that our email be routed through a ticket system so he can spy on us (He calls it “transparency”. Of course, there is no transparency on his part. We have no idea of what is going on and he attempts to make sure that we dont. He does not respect our personal or work space. He takes projects from desk that are not finished. He actually physically pushes me away from my computer when I ask him a question about something. He is currently having a sort of melt-down because he is trying to run the universe and he doesn’t have time. Therefore a number of projects are turning into train wrecks. He didn’t have time to complete them and he wouldn’t let anyone else work on them without knowing every detail of what they were doing. Staff morale is the lowest it has ever been. Of course Mr. Control Freak is pointing fingers at all the incompetents who have let him down. Sad to say it, but many people are hoping that he has a heart attack or nervous collapse and has it soon. I do not wish thim on him. I just wish he would go away. A year ago I would have considered this person almost a friend. I am a tolerant and generally compassionate person. I knew he was odd and had controlling tendencies but I had little to do with him at work and we had a friendly relationship. Something has snapped and it has to do with him being given too much power. What I’ve learned is how people with serious personality issues can form a sort of bond and draw out the worst in each other. The Eunuch, the Control Freak and the Bully – the Unholy Trinity.

  39. mariam

    On February 1, 2010 at 5:24 am


    OMG. My life has become a living hell. I have worked her for almost 20 years and have always had good relationships with my supervisors and co-workers and excellent work reviews. Our workplace was a pleasant respectful and friendly environment. However, our new department head is a pathetic eunuch who can\’t make a decision to save his life. One of the recently promoted managers has wormed his way stepped into the department head\’s confidence and has stepped into the leadership void and has orchestrated a reorganization of the department. THe eunuch aids and abets because he needs someone to tell him what to do and to run things for him. The tail wags the dog.

    First our unit was disbanded because my former supervisor disagreed with Control Freak and stood up to him on some issue. I was sent, along with another co-worker, to report to another manager who is a bully. She is the narcisstic type who will go to any lengths of deceit and manipulation to further her career. Right now she is working as the control-freak\’s pit bull. I just want to be left alone to do my job and I have found overwhelming her with information works well. I give her a report every week of what I\’ve done, what needs to be done and what steps I am taking in great detail so that I have a written record of what I have told her. She doesn\’t like to put anything in writing and she perhaps to be able to lie about what she said later. Right now she is being nice to me because she needs my knowledge but I have absolutely no doubt she would throw me under the bus if she didn\’t think she needed me anymore or if she needed someone to blame. My co-worker has not been as lucky and the pit-bull plays a version of mean girls, scape-goating my friend, for whatever goes wrong and picking apart everything she does and then very obviously favouring other workers who suck up to her (out of fear, not friendship) and trying to get them to ignore my friend as well. My friend is also a loyal and longstanding employee with a flawless performance record.

    Meanwhile, when you make a tiny mistake or don\’t do everything in exactly the way he wants (even if he hasn\’t told you what that is) Mr. Control Freak says things like:
    EIther you are imcompetent or you just don\’t care.
    or \”I take it extremely personally when you make a mistake. I feel you are deliberately trying to sabotage me.\”

    He has tried to prevent us from communicating with other employers or supervisors. He demands that our email be routed through a ticket system so he can spy on us (He calls it \”transparency\”. Of course, there is no transparency on his part. We have no idea of what is going on and he attempts to make sure that we dont. He does not respect our personal or work space. He takes projects from desk that are not finished. He actually physically pushes me away from my computer when I ask him a question about something. He is currently having a sort of melt-down because he is trying to run the universe and he doesn\’t have time. Therefore a number of projects are turning into train wrecks. He didn\’t have time to complete them and he wouldn\’t let anyone else work on them without knowing every detail of what they were doing. Staff morale is the lowest it has ever been. Of course Mr. Control Freak is pointing fingers at all the incompetents who have let him down. Sad to say it, but many people are hoping that he has a heart attack or nervous collapse and has it soon. I do not wish thim on him. I just wish he would go away. A year ago I would have considered this person almost a friend. I am a tolerant and generally compassionate person. I knew he was odd and had controlling tendencies but I had little to do with him at work and we had a friendly relationship. Something has snapped and it has to do with him being given too much power. What I\’ve learned is how people with serious personality issues can form a sort of bond and draw out the worst in each other. The Eunuch, the Control Freak and the Bully – the Unholy Trinity.

  40. mariam

    On February 1, 2010 at 5:25 am


    OMG. My life has become a living hell. I have worked here for almost 20 years and have always had good relationships with my supervisors and co-workers and excellent work reviews. Our workplace was a pleasant respectful and friendly environment. However, our new department head is a pathetic eunuch who can\\\’t make a decision to save his life. One of the recently promoted managers has wormed his way into the department head\\\’s confidence and has stepped into the leadership void and has orchestrated a reorganization of the department. THe eunuch aids and abets because he needs someone to tell him what to do and to run things for him. The tail wags the dog.

    First our unit was disbanded because my former supervisor disagreed with Control Freak and stood up to him on some issue. I was sent, along with another co-worker, to report to another manager who is a bully. She is the narcisstic type who will go to any lengths of deceit and manipulation to further her career. Right now she is working as the control-freak\\\’s pit bull. I just want to be left alone to do my job and I have found overwhelming her with information works well. I give her a report every week of what I\\\’ve done, what needs to be done and what steps I am taking in great detail so that I have a written record of what I have told her. She doesn\\\’t like to put anything in writing and she perhaps to be able to lie about what she said later. Right now she is being nice to me because she needs my knowledge but I have absolutely no doubt she would throw me under the bus if she didn\\\’t think she needed me anymore or if she needed someone to blame. My co-worker has not been as lucky and the pit-bull plays a version of mean girls, scape-goating my friend, for whatever goes wrong and picking apart everything she does and then very obviously favouring other workers who suck up to her (out of fear, not friendship) and trying to get them to ignore my friend as well. My friend is also a loyal and longstanding employee with a flawless performance record.

    Meanwhile, when you make a tiny mistake or don\\\’t do everything in exactly the way he wants (even if he hasn\\\’t told you what that is) Mr. Control Freak says things like:
    EIther you are imcompetent or you just don\\\’t care.
    or \\\”I take it extremely personally when you make a mistake. I feel you are deliberately trying to sabotage me.\\\”

    He has tried to prevent us from communicating with other employers or supervisors. He demands that our email be routed through a ticket system so he can spy on us (He calls it \\\”transparency\\\”. Of course, there is no transparency on his part. We have no idea of what is going on and he attempts to make sure that we dont. He does not respect our personal or work space. He takes projects from desk that are not finished. He actually physically pushes me away from my computer when I ask him a question about something. He is currently having a sort of melt-down because he is trying to run the universe and he doesn\\\’t have time. Therefore a number of projects are turning into train wrecks. He didn\\\’t have time to complete them and he wouldn\\\’t let anyone else work on them without knowing every detail of what they were doing. Staff morale is the lowest it has ever been. Of course Mr. Control Freak is pointing fingers at all the incompetents who have let him down. Sad to say it, but many people are hoping that he has a heart attack or nervous collapse and has it soon. I do not wish thim on him. I just wish he would go away. A year ago I would have considered this person almost a friend. I am a tolerant and generally compassionate person. I knew he was odd and had controlling tendencies but I had little to do with him at work and we had a friendly relationship. Something has snapped and it has to do with him being given too much power. What I\\\’ve learned is how people with serious personality issues can form a sort of bond and draw out the worst in each other. The Eunuch, the Control Freak and the Bully – the Unholy Trinity.

  41. Scarlette

    On February 7, 2010 at 5:01 pm


    OMG I have just ditched a control freak, I couldn’t take his moods, abuse and anger anymore, I was “walking on egg shells” when around him, we were engaged to be married later this year and my god the thoughts of living with this man full-time was like entering a nightmare. The strange thing was he could be very loving, giving and generous, buying me beautiful presents etc – these times were great,
    then for no apparent reason he would turn nasty, abusive and very angry, then have black moods, thank god I ended our relationship before I got sucked into this awful situation. I am sad as I did love this man, so walk away, then run as fast as you can and never, never have any further contact, as they will endeavour to suck you back in again and you will never escape thir prison.

  42. milliem

    On February 21, 2010 at 7:45 am


    My x is a controll freak and more.

    He was skilled at manipulation, so much so we stayed together for about 7 years. When i finally left him he tried to control me through fear and intimidation but i found out he was more scared of the police- as i called them the first time he tried to become agressive.

    Sadly- but gladly too we have a son together -who is now on the end of his manipulation and controlling tendencies. He just turned 18 and this has triggered more cf behaviour.

    I sugguested to my son trying to stand ground on the major issues- religion , changing his surname to exes and if he doesn’t listen walking away, but his only 18. Poor love.

    To the control freaks- yes you have a disorder, it maybe passed down from controlling parent, so you learnt this.

    But why should your family, parent, wife, children ect put up with this unless you are at the same time in counselling or therapy doing all you can to combat this.

    Don’t just say we need understanding and our loved ones not to walk away. What do your loved ones need from YOU. You to understand the effects of your behaviour and get PROFESSIONAL help or walking and running will ocur!

  43. milliem

    On February 21, 2010 at 8:01 am


    If you have a controlling parent and are over 25 and they still continue-make sure you only see them when it suits you, if at all-leave early when they start and regain back some control of when to listen to them or not.

    Don’t discuss thing with them, there view is based on fantasy… just listen, (confirm, yes, humm, great, good for you) then change the subject.

    Broken record may be used -I’ll be doing this (then keep repeating your intension, or great but my view is this so we’l have to agreat to disagree… anyway am off now, see you next year…

    If its a boyfriend.. i suggest from bitter experience forget the above- just run and don’t look back. If its a husband frank talking and a action plan to get help and start to change by or goodbye.

    family (parent)move away- see if you have controlling parent… give parent chance then run…..

    If you are controlling you have a choice get help or stay same and have your wife, girlfriend, children secretly hate at times, lie and cheat on you as you don’t listen and sympatise like others do!

  44. Scarlette O'Hara

    On February 21, 2010 at 12:19 pm


    Am still getting abusive txts and e-mails weeks after ditching him, my god he is so angry, most normal people would want to patch it up, not a word I love and miss you, oh no, the most revolting e-mails, which confirms he is showing his true colours and my instincts were right. The warning signs are there! just think seriously, before you become to emtombed. I have been strong and have not replied to any of this behaviour, its beneath me, would never go to his level, I did however forward all correspondence onto to friends and family and they have formed their own opinions, I have said nothing verbally to these people, despite accusations from him. Anyway I have moved on and am dating again, as my trust in human nature will always be with me. This sad soul has missed a great opportunity with a beautiful well balanced loving woman, so just move on and never every feel sorry or have sympathy, they do not change and their track record in relationships requires much investiaation.

  45. Smurf

    On March 6, 2010 at 4:58 pm


    I myself have just came out of what I would say was a controlling relationship but I know myself that I also have in the past, had slight controlling tendencies myself however, at the same time I feel I was balanced enough to see what they were and worked through them. The problem I have experienced with my ex was that I would try and sit, listen, be patient and be calm, talk to him and tried so hard to help him understand, and he would listen but only a matter of days later he would revert back to being a bully and controlling. He had a dual personality ranging from being so nice, buying me lots of things, telling me I was the best thing that ever happened to him versus being moody, distant, constantly critisising and bringing me down and generally making me feel I was worthless. He did not like it when I questioned him or stuck up for myself to tell him I wasn’t happy with the way he was being or speaking to me. He did admit that he had a problem with the way he was being but absoloutly refused to accept that he was a bully or controlling. He agreed on several occasions to go and speak with someone as he had already done in a previous relationship but would make the appointment and never actually go. At the end of the day, control freaks can not help themselves. Yes I totally agree that they are human beings but ultimately they are only concerned with there views and points and think that everyone else should think and be like them. We all have our faults but trying to make it work with a control freak is virtually impossible unless they are willing to accept they have a problem and do something about it or either you just keep quiet, keep your opinions to yourself and just agree with everything they say for an easy life.

  46. Lisa

    On April 16, 2010 at 1:02 pm


    My husband and his sister are BOTH control freaks. She complained to him behind my back that I have “inappropriate” content on my Facebook profile…this is not true.

    I’ve only been married one year. I love my husband dearly. He is kind, caring, and loving. He can also be very controlling. He constantly tells me what to do and how to do it.

    He is critical of the way I drive. He treats me like a child, then insinuates that I’m helpless. He tells me how to do laundry. He tells me how to fix snacks. He tells me that I stare at other people, especially men. He needs to know all the details of conversations that I have with other people.

    Because he works and I’m a student in school, I have to be very mindful of how much money I spend.

    I would prefer to fix delicious meals at home, but we dine out on a weekly basis. Then he complains that I don’t cook as often as I should.

    While we were dating, he was very insecure. He accused me of flirting with this guy at a restaurant. A few months later, he accused me of texting flirty messages to a male friend. He would be online looking up my Internet history and my cookies to make sure I wasn’t being unfaithful. He went so far as to research my family, including my estranged father who lives outside of the United States…then confronted me about “lies” I’d supposedly told.

    He was obsessive about knowing the details of my life, my family background, my education, work, etc. It went beyond simply being interested. I still wonder what he was trying to find out. That kind of behavior bothered me because I don’t see the need to pry into somebody else’s life that way. It’s fine to ask questions and learn more about others, but when you’re obsessively trying to expose someone for no reason…that’s weird.

    He doesn’t trust me. He says he does, but I don’t believe it. His ex-fiancee was dishonest and unfaithful so he obviously feels that way about me. This is the first time both of us has ever been married.

    My sister-in-law has been telling him stuff about me lately. She is a bit of a “Queen Bee”…very bossy and self-centered. She plans the details of family occasions at holidays. She took complete control of our wedding. She tried to tell me (the bride) and my mother what to wear to brunch on my wedding day.

    I live in blue jeans 24/7…not because I want to, but because I have to. I’m very feminine and girly. Anyway, I wanted to wear a pretty dress with heels to brunch because it was a special occasion at a country club. My mom wanted to do the same. My sister-in-law wanted us to wear some Plain Jane clothes…t-shirts and capri pants. She never wears anything nice or tries to look attractive, but that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t. We decided to wear dresses and cute shoes. She told me I looked nice, but I could sense that she was miffed about it. That was basically my way of letting her know that she couldn’t control me. I’m a grown woman. She had no business trying to tell me what to wear on MY special day.

    Smurf…my ex-boyfriend was also controlling and abusive. My husband is not abusive but he is very controlling.

  47. Lisa

    On April 16, 2010 at 1:16 pm


    By the way…another hallmark of controlling people is their need to constantly schedule, plan, and organize other people’s time. My husband is extremely punctual and expects other people to be the same at ALL times.

    If I run slightly behind time, he will lecture me about it. I try to be prompt because this is just one more way of making me feel incompetent. He will call my phone a billion times while I’m driving to pick him up from business trips.

    I love him dearly…he is a wonderful person. It’s the need to control that drives me nuts.

  48. Barry Interisano

    On May 20, 2010 at 10:27 pm


    You need help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  49. My "DAD" one!! Hate it!!

    On May 28, 2010 at 6:35 am


    I have a control Freak for a “FATHER” I hate it I cant stand my Life. He trys to control everything I say, do, eat, act. The Way I walk, talk, dress I mean Like EVERYTHING!!! I hate him I mean that With every bone in my body!!!! I Dont feel Bad for him at ALLLL!!!! He makes every thing in my familys life terrible!!!
    I would like to thank the person who wrote this artical though.
    You did give me some peace of mind lol!

    But i still wonder Giving in mean that we have to do everything he says. Please say Nooooo!!!

  50. George

    On June 21, 2010 at 4:10 pm


    Wow. Sister-in-law is Type 2. We’ve just had a major break-off. I don’t know who won and I don’t care. I’ve been visiting every weekend for over 12 years, just a quick stop-by of 10 minutes or so, say hi, pick up a niece or nephew (whom I don’t see or hear from if I don’t come by) for the day if she had other plans — she’s always eager to push them out the door BUT each visit it seems, a new restriction is put on — don’t come before this time, don’t come after that time, don’t talk about this subject, don’t take the kids here or there, don’t let them eat this or that, get clothes dirty, get shoes dirty, touch any animals, get wet, talk to this person or that. Now, it’s what I’m wearing when I come over, if I’m bringing my dog of many years (as I’ve always done). I’ve said point-blank, if you don’t want me to visit, say so. No, no, no. You’re always welcome BUT…So I give up. I’m not coming over. She can keep it up until her kids leave her, too. The oldest will be driving in less than a year and he’s already said he can’t wait to get out from under her thumb. She has no friends, her family doesn’t call her. She holds the kids as emotional hostage. Well, I didn’t pick their mother. They’ll have to survive as best they can or call me directly. I’m not walking into the buzz saw anymore.

  51. Kitten

    On June 25, 2010 at 3:05 pm


    I have a mom with this wonderful personality trait. I got tired of wasting my energy defending why I do things different from what she does. I broke all ties I can\’t stand it. If you don\’t like what she likes or live like she does she makes your life miserble. I had her over my new house and I am on a tight budget. She lives with my brother and has two incomes she nick picked every thing I did different. I explained why I had to hang clothes on the line or not eat out every week and she made a commment every day. My brother puts up with her lets her run the house. I work very hard for my house and don\’t want it invaded by my mother. I broke off ties I got tired of her screaming at me. I feel bad she is my mom, but I just can\’t take it everyday the comments the nick picking. Why don\’t she accept how I live and move on. I had to divorce my mom. I love her and wish her the best.

  52. Jet Fire

    On September 3, 2010 at 7:06 pm


    Would anyone happen to know if a controlling person will emotionally project onto you, that you are the one doing the controlling?

  53. Eddicus

    On September 6, 2010 at 5:25 pm


    This article is plagiarized from the work of a real Doctor. See the link below:

    http://www.ec-online.net/knowledge/articles/control.html

    For shame, unwrittenfate.

    Changing a few words doesn’t make someone else’s work your own.

  54. Tilla

    On October 25, 2010 at 11:06 am


    I just heard today that I am a controlled freak, although I have a really good relationship with my 2 girls. But know I realise why I get grumpy over bedrooms that not tidy at all times. When somebody using my kitchen, it must be spotless afterwards.Always interfere with husbands business, the way I would have done it. Newspaper next to the bed. Invoices in the house. It freaks me out. Everything must be in place all the time, in the house, garden and business. I need help.
    I`ve got the most wonderful husband and children, that exept me just the way I am. I want to be a woman that Gods want me to be for my husband and children. WHAT CAN I DO?

  55. Nervous

    On December 22, 2010 at 3:59 am


    Yo I couldn’t even get past the first page. First, you spelled “Psychologists” wrong, which is an easy mistake, understandable. Then you go to say that being a control freak is some form of OCD? Obviously you know less about psychology than… at least me. Being a control freak would fall under Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, which, despite the name, is not at all related to OCD. I’d wager there are 5-10 more mistakes if I bother reading the rest of your crap. But I’d rather just arrogantly assume than waist the time reading your misinformed internet trash.

  56. Great White

    On December 31, 2010 at 10:33 pm


    @Jetfire – Yes – my ex goes around telling anyone that will listen that I am the one trying to control him. It is very sad, the man has lost two woman he loved, a son and a daughter. Hm so I am very worried for my 5 yr. old son – yes I had a son with this man and have paid for what he calls MY mistake – I GOT myself pregnant….etc. Now everytime I speak to him he rattles off on what a bad mother I am – what a mean person I am to him ( all I ever offered was love ) He even has his new girlfriend attacking me verbally. I feel 100% better after reading a few of these articles but I am worried about my son now. His children from another women will not even let him see his grandchildren.
    Long story about age differences – I knew what he told me was not true but I could never understand what I did that made him so angry towards me – now I know. I have been so stressed out about this because I really loved this man. But if you asked anyone in his family I am the one doing all these things to him, not him doing them to me. So the answer is yes they do.

  57. ellen

    On March 7, 2011 at 10:49 am


    Wish I’d read these articles earlier,my CF partner and I have just purchased a property together,what a big mistake! I am tied to him for quite some time now.He goes around bad mouthing me to family and friends constantly accuses me of playing around behind his back(I don’t even acknowledge other men) and teases and bad mouths my children.Problem is he takes anti-depressant meds that he’s inconsistant with that set off his mood swings.I am critisized and blamed for everything,its my fault his CF daughter won’t speak to him,I’m lazy,I waste money bla bla bla bla! the list goes on.I’m reasonably attractive and quite younger,although to him my hair is a mess,I’m putting on the weight(still slim)I dress like a slob? even though his CF sister is 23yrs my senior (she 70),look how attractive my sister is.He sees a psych once a month because he suffers PTSD,but apparently its me who should be seeing one,because he tells everyone that I’m the one with the problem.As many times as I’ve tried to walk out, he always calls me and tells me his life would be nothing without me,so the sucker(me) always goes back to him,soon there will be no escape as we have to go through with the house contract,it is also in my name.He tried to force me to sign legal documents that would go in his favor if the relationship were to dissolve,I told him to stick his papers were the ’sun doesn’t shine’ and that I had someone else willing to take over his part of the house contract(in which I do)he soon backed down.CF’s are very underhanded and calculating people,if they can’t get there own way with mental abuse they physically abuse.Alcohol and meds do not mix,every night the same senario what miserable creatures they really are.I never get any attention off him, he can’t even look me in the eye, when the opposite sex is around he pretends that he doesn’t know me,the tides will soon be turning,I am growing stronger every day,he can’t upset me any more,when he now yells out falsehoods(for gossipy neighbors & rellies) I now yell out something belittling about his ‘manlihood’ (the yelling has now stopped?),don’t argue with them you’ll never have a say its important to stay one step ahead of them,never give into them and beat them at there own game.

  58. averygirl72

    On November 8, 2012 at 4:01 am


    Wow, I definitely like this article. It helps me to understand people who are somewhat control freaks and I cannot completely understand their manipulation tactics.

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