Comments on: Are You a Control Freak?

By: j bird

j bird — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 05:42:12 +0000

By the time I realized I was being targeted by a control freak (an immediate family member) I was already suffering from such low self esteem I couldn’t feel good about myself for anything. Thats when I realized that the times when this person seemed to feel the happiest was during unavoidable problems in my life involving job loss, chronic family health and financial problems. No loving support or positive words of comfort just insults of how I surely brought it upon myself because I don’t do anything right. I thought to myself, wow, this person is seriously cold. When things were going good for me there were also rude comments during holidays, special occassions and so on about my clothes, hair, items I purchased etc. Very personal scattered attacks about trivial everyday things. No difference what was going on. After taking the high road for years on end I finally blew my cork for a very public put down and said some choice things that cannot be forgotten by anyone and now this person is living happily ever after with their made up stories about how about how awful I have always been and how I proved it that day. I wasn’t trying to compete in a battle of wills with this person but there would be no way to win against these masters of double talk. They always have all purpose answers and excuses prepared in case they need them. They are so good at it that your head will be spinning as they turn every complaint you have about the way they treat you into something you did to deserve it. And you will believe it too till you walk away and think, “What just happened here?” It won’t be the last time either.

By: D.

D. — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 17:55:10 +0000

Hi, I’m a control-freak too.
Help!
I love my partner. I know we can make it.

I don’t want to lose everything and the person I love.

By: Barb

Barb — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 15:46:00 +0000

My Dad was the ultimate control freak, although he did seem to “come around”, especially whenever I left home. Unfortunately, I was a great “wanderer” (from here to Alaska/Yukon) and northern Quebec, but I always went home again. The poor man didn’t need that, I guess.

He may have believed in me more had I proven I could stand on my own….as I finally do now.

By: C. Langdon

C. Langdon — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 00:51:17 +0000

I want to comment, but where do I begin? In and out of a gay relationship that has dealt with many problems and the CF disorder was never one of them. The over riding theme was always, if I could get my s_ _ _ together, life for the two of us would be perfect. Now four years later, I’m seeing the big picture. Like the article says, he won’t recognize the problem and certainly won’t accept it as truth. If he agrees at all, it would be that this is a legitmate problem…..for some, but not him. How do you get thru to them? What must take place for them to be openminded and objective? Can this disorder be treated with the hopes of leading an otherwise normal and productive life? It’s too late for us, but I would like to know he could someday be involved in a healthy, balanced relationship. As it stands now….it just not going to happen.

By: Victory

Victory — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 14:46:24 +0000

Well if nobody is perfect why do we seem to live in a society that nearly abuses people to death over minor mistakes. I think that society produces Workaholic controlling people, I mean look at what goes on and ask yourself.

By: gimmeabreak

gimmeabreak — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 19:32:00 +0000

let me respond to those of you self professed “Control Freaks”. there is no time in which its ok for you to think that your loved ones, co-workers or anyone else should have to put up with your behavior. You are clearly here for a reason, and if 90% of the people you know say you need help, then get it. Don’t start off acting like the victim. Everybody’s a victim of something. It’s what you choose to do about it that matters. I have lived with a control freak who fits every iota of this description, who has threatened my children, makes life an absolute living hell for us and his co-workers. There is no pleasing him ever… He is now a very unhappy single man who refused help. So quit acting like you’re the victim and get some professional help. Just because the cause is a disorder doesn’t mean everyone else has to put up with it, when YOU know RIGHT NOW you can seek help. You just don’t want to because you like being in control. I came from a childhoold of extreme physical and sxual abuse, and have in addition to professional help, decided NOT to carry those behaviors forward. YOU CAN take control of Change.It’s just more comfortable for you to stay the way you are. Get off your pity train and do it.

By: rage

rage — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 08:04:44 +0000

I am married to one( a CF). I try hard to put up with it. He yells at me infront of our employees and clients, so humiliating. We have 3 very young children and walking away is not the best option, so I just cut myself with needles and pins on the arm.
I am so stuck.

By: Citrus

Citrus — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 13:07:12 +0000

Hi, I have read the whole article and comments….and I am frozen to recognize most of the control freak behaviours in myself. I never knew about this things until today just because I started searching internet and somehow it accrossed my way.
It may answer my grieve and loneliness, even when I have some people around.
Being control freak is something I would like to get rid off, because it hurts me so much, and I am afraid that it DOES hurt people I DO love much too, and I do not wish them to walk away from me. If I am a control freak I WILL CHANGE IT for the sake of the people I love and myself.
It feels like a heavy coat you cannot remove. How could I shed off this bad coat and start living a normal enjoyable life?
I will try the http://www.bing.com today and will seek my GP help too. Any more suggestions are welcome.
Control freaks are not monsters, just have to learn how to be happy ourselves to make others happy too.
God bless you all for he harsh and nice comments, they were all helpful for me to awaken up.

By: Lynnie

Lynnie — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 21:09:34 +0000

I am a control freak myself. Have been all of my life.
I am going to try cognitive behavioral therapy.
It focuses on our fear, the unknown. What we don’t know WE cannot control. Therefore we get anxious, violent, demanding, or basically controlling because we are in a panic state.
We have the same natural reaction as anyone, to panic when we don’t know what is going to happen. I swear by the, “What ifs?”. It does me no good. The majority of the things that we worry about will never happen anyway. The problem is..I am far too intelligent for my own good. I recognize my behaviors, have been given the tools to change…or at least make an effort, yet I haven’t done it. The problem is, I know what to do, just not how to go about it. It’s a switch and once it gets turned on I don’t know how to turn it off. Talking to myself doesn’t work. Breathing and punching something doesn’t work. Getting violent doesn’t work. Now my relationship is suffering.
I am going to college to be an engineer. And the main purpose of an engineer is to dissect something. But see, I want to dissect other things than my relationships and the people in them. I have dissected myself and every person I have tried to form a relationship even as simple as a friendship or co-worker with.
It isn’t fair to them and it isn’t fair to me. I am not living the best life that I could be living.
Cognitive behavioral therapy helps to face the Obsessive compulsiveness head on by giving you tools to use during real life situations when you are under stress. The calmer we are in a chaotic or stressful situation the more clear we think.
All you have to do is go to http://www.bing.com and type in “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy” See if you think it may be right for you. Its more of a hands on type therapy, instead of “just talking” about your problems. This particular form gives you true scenarios in which you will have to utilize your coping skills. It is also effective in as little as 16 sessions. Its briefer and more in depth than an our with someone who agrees with everything you say.
I am going to try it and see how well it goes. Good luck.

By: about_to_lose_my_mind

about_to_lose_my_mind — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 15:58:30 +0000

I have just realized that my boyfriend’s sister is a control freak. After reading this article, I noticed that all the signs are there. For the past year I just couldn’t figure out why she would constantly put me on the spot, tease me, annoy me, invade my privacy and the latest thing that happened: she stuck her nose where it didn’t belong i.e. my bf and I were having a somewhat heated discussion when guess who decides to come along and get involved in the whole damn thing. She had no place whatsoever. She put me on the spot and demanded I answer to her and give her an explanation (???!!!) sorry but, what a psycho!! I couldn’t believe it ! I lost my cool.. I mean.. what do you expect. My bf and I are both in our 30s..we can definitely handle our own problems, not to mention IT WAS NONE OF HER BUSINESS. But no, she had to gang up on me and ruin everything. Needless to say, I got mad at my bf for not defending me/standing up for me. He just stood there..doing nothing. I felt he could have at least told her to please stay out of it.
Anyway.. I just don’t know what to do.. my relationship is suffering because of all this. Im so sad and so angry at the same time.