Avoid Fights – Always Avoid Saying “always”

Have you ever noticed that quarrels, especially between married couples, are ignited by the word “ALWAYS” or “USUALLY” or “EVERYTIME” or words of similar meaning? If not, try to. You will certainly be amused to note that the differences or heated arguments turn in to a quarrel as soon as the word “usually” is uttered.

The word always may not be a root cause for the differences but it is certainly a fuel to ignite the fire, keep the fire burning for longer. 

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The word “Always” pronounces the facts (blames) derived from past experiences of the user and not on experiences of listener, where as the fact could be totally different than what these two are talking about. Whenever, the word “usually” is fixed to a sentence, it becomes direct blame and leads to a quarrel. The listener feels it’s not just the present situation, but the past too is being discussed/ argued. The listener will get into a protective mode and might start giving explanations about the past instances/ or may get mad that you are dragging old fights into the present. To make a long story short, it’ll lead to uncalled for reaction and hurt feelings. 

You always do this to me.

You usually leave your dirty socks on sofa.

Every time I clean up the carpet, you drop some thing over it.

You usually linger around and waste time. Then you get late for your appointments.

You always forget to bring the grocery but never the beer.

You always overcook the chicken, when you know I want it just done.

You usually forget your keys at home.

We always get delayed because of your make up.

Every time I plan to visit Mom, you have some urgent office work.

Do any of these sound familiar? Try using these sentences without the words usually, always or every time. You’ll save yourself and your partner a lot of heartache.

• Why are you doing this to me?
• You have left your dirty socks on the sofa.
• I just cleaned the carpet, and you dropped food over it.
• You wasted time and now you are late for your appointment.
• You forgot to bring the grocery but bought the beer.
• You overcooked the chicken, when you know I want it just done.
• You forgot your keys at home.
• We are getting delayed because of your make up.
• I had planned to visit Mom and now you have some urgent office work.

In all of the above instances, you’ll notice that when you remove the words always, usually and every time, then what you are dealing with is the present problem or situation. And so you won’t be discussing older issues. This should reduce half the stress that could have been created.

Next time, whenever you get into a ‘not-so-agreeable’ discussion, try not to use the words usually, always and every time. Remember to simply ignore them if used by the opponent.  You’ll notice the difference. See whether the discussion turns into a quarrel. More often than not, a fight can be avoided if you avoid these words.