A lot of the interpersonal conflicts that happen in the world are due to people trying to control or change others. The assumption that our environment should conform to our expectations, is one of the biggest mistakes we can make in our approach to our lives.

An example of this is when one person tells another person to “calm down” or “cheer up”. These words are often said as instructions, but merely serve to irritate the other person. At best, they make them aware of their negative behaviour, but this will often just cause them to feel inadequate, leading to one of three most likely outcomes:

• They feel miserable because they feel inadequate
• They become defensive, attempting to justify why they are how they are
• They become aggressive, launching a counter-attack on your character

It’s hardly what the words “cheer up” or “calm down” really intended to do, is it? Or perhaps it is really about one person’s need to find fault in another person, to strengthen their own sense of self?

The best way to influence people in life is to lead by example. If you are calm, others will naturally feel calm in your presence. If you are happy and cheerful, some of this enthusiasm for life may rub off on others.

Ironically, the kind of people who say things like “calm down” and “cheer up” are usually the most miserable stress-heads you will ever meet.