Cars (not by Disney)
by Americans love their cars. Yes, huge, unbearably loud, crowded everywhere, belching toxic chemicals into the atmosphere, guzzling non-renewable resources like it was the eighties, and generally making a nuisance of themselves wherever in the world they happen to be.
Dear Mr. Meanor:
Who are you and why should anyone care?
Wanting to know you better
Dear Future Stalker:
My name is Mr. Meanor. If it was Ted or Archibald, I probably would not have answered the letter, now would I? I am a gay male somewhere between the ages of 30 and late gay middle age. For those of you who are straight or simply don’t want to get the joke that means that I am 39.
When I am not writing Mr. Meanor columns, I am a mild mannered employee at a major department store. When I am writing Mr. Meanor, I am Champion of Being Right, Defender of Things That You May Not Have Thought About, and Pointer Out of Obviously Stupid Things. What I have to say may shock, offend, horrify, polarize, and enrage you sometimes but you can just relax now because I will usually have forgotten about it by the time you can write to me. Actually, what I usually write about is whatever stupid thing happened to catch my attention about 20 minutes before I start writing about it. That’s why the end of the column usually has nothing to do with whatever it started out as. Sometimes you can get lucky and get an entire piece written about one thing but that’s usually only if I don’t get distracted.
Right now I don’t have a boyfriend to distract me and most of my friends have either moved out of town or have gotten a boyfriend of their own to play with. So you, gentle reader, are in luck and will get my full attention on whatever I choose to write about. Fortunately, there is so much stupid stuff available that it would be impossible not to find something to write about. Let’s look and see what we can find. Political campaigns…too easy. Paris Hilton and other celebutantes … too easy in several senses of the word. TV…too much stuff for right now. Actually there’s a car commercial. Let’s talk about what kind of car to get.
Americans love their cars. Yes, huge, unbearably loud, crowded everywhere, belching toxic chemicals into the atmosphere, guzzling non-renewable resources like it was the eighties, and generally making a nuisance of themselves wherever in the world they happen to be. But we’re supposed to be talking about cars, not the Americans who drive them.
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