Climbing Out of The Rut

          Often our families fall into a regular, predictable (boring), routine. We hurry through the week, each person intent on his or her schedule and agenda; and we pass each other like ships in the fog, giving signals and trying to avoid collisions.

           Our rut may include our clothes, food, recreation, TV time, and family activities. The problem is that it affects the way we relate to each other. Our communication is hackneyed and laced with clichés (”When I was your age . . .”), and we learn to “read” each other without communicating. Time passes quickly, and suddenly the kids are grown, or a catastrophe forces us to reevaluate our priorities; and we grieve at our superficiality and taking each other for granted. At these moments of insight we may push for a “crash course” on family closeness; but it is artificial and hollow.

           The causes for this stagnation may include poor priorities, forced “busyness,” self-centeredness, tradition, or whatever; but life is too short to be lived in a rut and persons too precious to be passed quickly by!

           The answer lies in creative action. Here are some suggestions for rocking the boat and discovering each other. Just don’t try to do them all at once!

• Talk to the children. Are they bored with “family”? What do they think and suggest? Listen.
• Establish short-range experiments or goals. For example, “For one week, instead of TV, let’s . . .”
• Try new things together (the whole family) – like bowling or painting or fishing.
• Give family members the chance to participate in individual activities, but have a time late to share experiences.
• Explore your town, county, or state (take the train and see where it goes).
• Surprise the family with a mystery event (meal, activity, or vacation).

           In reality, climbing out the rut is a clear statement that life is to be savored and enjoyed and that our children and spouse are valuable gifts from God. It allows us time to talk, listen, and discover who we really are.