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Dealing with Covert-aggressives

This article carries on from my prior article "Beware of Covert-Aggressives." Learn here how to actually deal with those who are covert-aggressives, how to counteract their strategies.

In a previous article I wrote, I mentioned about a type of aggression that I was not really aware of until recently, Covert-aggression (hidden aggression).  This is the type of aggression which is often used by manipulators to get you to do what they want, perhaps by leaving you on your defence and/or feeling guilty.

In this article, we are going to discuss what you can do when confronted with these people and how to break the manipulative bond that they have (or are trying to get) over you.  First of all, the first thing you need to do is accept that this type of aggression is taking place.  Yet how is this possible when this type of aggression (as by the name) hidden?  Well the answer here is to trust your gut feeling.  Our subconscious minds can absorb far more of what is going on around us then our subconscious minds can and if anything stands out that is a potential threat to us, our subconscious minds are likely to observe this and inform us of this (usually via the ‘Gut Feeling’ saying that something isn’t right).

So if there is somebody who causes the gut feeling to arise within you, the next step is to trust your gut feeling.  It is so easy to either dismiss this feeling yourself (or have others tell you that it is wrong).  Yet don’t dismiss your intuition so quickly, chances are that your intuition is correct.  Yet despite it being correct, it would be wrong to inform the covert aggressor about your feeling.  The chances are that they will either manipulate you into feeling bad for having such feelings (perhaps referring to all the good things that she has done for you) to simply laughing at you (and telling everybody behind your back that you are over reactive).

The next step is to set up some clear, well-defined boundaries of what you are going to accept and are not going to accept in terms of behaviour from the covert-aggressive.  For instance, suppose one of the aggressive actions of the covert-aggressive is to try and make you look like the fool in front of others.  This could be done by continuously aiming all his jokes at you, interrupting you when speaking to ignoring you when you approach them.  Well a boundary you would set up would be to allow the covert-aggressive to say three to five jokes only about you (per social event) before bringing them up on their behaviour.  This in itself makes it clear to others that whilst you can laugh about yourself, you are not going to be victim of insults disguised as harmless jokes.  This type of boundary could also work in regards to interrupting you.  Let them interrupt you a couple of times but if it carries on, stop them by bringing it to their attention (doing this in the company of others can have the best affect).

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