Dream of Life

It’s too fast.  Too much at one time to handle.  Too hard to control.  Too intense to bear.  Reach inside the mind and stall it, if only for a moment, to have peace, even if it cannot last.  Scream until the heart bleeds.  Tremble until the body breaks.  Sob until the eyes melt.  Listen until the ears fall.  Hold the tongue to watch the following moments unfold, revealing their disguise.  Wait in the dark, walking amongst the shadows, a ghoul that haunts the night.  Stand in the corner, head against the wall, heart pounding, fists clenched, mouth tight.  Stare, search, for something that crawls in the black, unafraid to find the occupied corner.  Race, flooring the gas, and wait for the mind to crash.  Use clammy hands to hold the ears shut, but keep the eyes pried open.  Always keep the eyes open.

Swallow hard as you watch the memories swirl and compose themselves in a beautiful masterpiece.  Press a hand into the center of your chest to remind yourself that your heart is beating.  Relive moments long past that impact how you live your life today.  Tears roll down your cheeks when the realization that those times are now just memories, and no matter how far you stretch your arm to reach into the memory and grasp it, it slithers away.  Struggling to stand, you fall, because you bend your legs to walk in the wrong direction: backwards.  Everything points to the future, to the front, to walk forward, but you continue to press against the wind, giving up everything just for one more moment to live in your memories. 

Tighten your mouth around the words threatening to escape.  Never give up your position.  Race to the end of the line where a roaring crowd will deafen your ears, and blind your eyes with a thousand cameras flashing at once.  Thunder will crackle and break the ground, tearing it apart so that you wobble and almost fall into an endless pit of black, with rock bottom being too far down to wait for.  That’s when you close your eyes, and float high above the world.  Your heart lurches, and you don’t feel the impact of hitting the grass below.  

Pick up the paint brush and cradle it between trembling fingers, creating a messy smudge across the center of your canvas.  Drop the brush and rake your fingers across the smudge, touch your face and chest, leaving the marks on your entire body.  Scream until your lungs bleed and eardrums explode.  Roll on the ground while you fight the inner demon tormenting your soul, a mystery only your hands can see.  Watch with wide eyes that never close, trailing back and forth at a rapid speed to spot the monster ripping holes in your stomach.  

Wake up with sweat beaded on your forehead, dripping down your forehead to soak the pillow and mattress beneath.  Stare at the ceiling, heart pounding and fingers twitching.  Slow your breathing until it’s rhythmic and you relax.  Leave the comforts of your soaked oblivion, leave where you could hide in the corner of your mind from the rest of the world.  Live in the dream until the sun dies and your eyes close, when they should be kept open.