“Drop and Give Me 20″

“Drop and Give Me 20″

Wish I could figure out a way to make a teenager listen without having to wheedle, cajole, threaten or make promises. I hate going head to head but sometimes that’s what we parents have to do.

I have an edge. I love the little critter and I truly believe that he loves me. We talk. We listen, or try to. If the rules are broken we both know it. If they are rules that are there to basically keep the young one safe, the consequences are not being trusted for a bit. Not a long while, just long enough for him to see what trust means to both of us.

If the rules are ones that are not quite so important, the consequences may be less extreme. There are consequences, though, no matter what.

This teen is ADHD, (Attention Deficit with Hyperactivity Disorder), and CAPD, (Central Auditory Processing Disorder). That doesn’t mean consequences get skipped over, it just means that talking it out and being sure the rules are understood completely is more important than the consequences. In other words, screw up once and we’ll see what went wrong. Screw up twice and the chance will not be there for a while to mess up again.

The experts try to tell us that a strict regime is best for children. Perhaps that is true for a few. I have found in others, though, that a strict regime inhibits conversation considerably. That is not to say that being strict is wrong, only that it has its drawbacks when dealing with young people. Young people need to be treated as young adults as often as possible. They need to be listened to, talked to (not at), trusted when they can be, and dealt with as fairly as we can deal with them. For the young person to respect us, we need to respect him.

There is a time to raise your voice. However, if you raise your voice constantly, you will not be heard. If you rarely raise your voice, when you do it commands attention. The only way to get someone to listen to you when you constantly raise your voice is to be quiet! It’s much easier to command respect when one is calm and patient. We cannot always be calm and patient, but we can try to be.

There must be rules. Even adults have rules. Instilling consequences that actually fit a breaking of the rules is extremely important in both cases. In other words, we should make the punishment fit the crime, give a reason not to break a rule, and be sure to keep things as fair as we can.

If a young person is failing an English class does it mean that he should be punished? Or should he be helped in some way? Believe it or not there are people out there who would say to the failing student, “Drop and give me 20″. Like that’s going to teach him English? When dealing with young people one must be a bit more circumspect. Push-ups are not going to teach a kid English. That punishment is, however, going to tell them that you really don’t have a clue and will listen to nothing they say. So, they say nothing! And you have just lost a major benefit in dealing with youth. You cannot have a one-sided conversation with another person and expects results of any kind.

Think about it. Maybe next time your boss doesn’t like the job you do he’ll just tell you to, “Drop and give me 20″. Think next time you’ll do it right?