Five Lies That Never Work

Some lies will buy you a little time. These lies cost you.  They are never believed, and add
insult to injury.  The fact is, any time you have to explain yourself, you have been busted.
Accept that.

“It is Not What You Think.”

This is king of bad lies. Firstly, it implies you know what the other person is thinking, which is offensive on its best day.  On top of this insult you now impute that the thought processes of the Liee..(the person you are lying to) are faulty.  You’ve got two insults going,  now you go for three by interpreting reality for the person who’ve you’ve already enraged.

This lie is so bad that even if there was the possibility for doubt, this statement has murdered it. 

“I Meant to Tell You.”

This lie creates a similar sense of being taken for an idiot as does (1) and usually gains the retort, “If I didn’t catch you, you never would have told me.”

Saying that you ‘meant’ to inform another suggests that it was on the agenda and it slipped your mind.  What you should say is “I ought to have told you.”  This is the truth. And even if it is met by the response above, all you have to do is look pitiful.  At least you haven’t compounded the betrayal with a lie.

“You Saw Me?”

Usually said with false indignation, this lie produces a sense of contempt in the Liee.  It is quite clear you want to know how much ‘evidence’  has been gathered so that if there is no sample of your DNA you ‘go free.’   Saying this proves you are so dishonest you probably run a Ponzi scheme.

“You’ll Get It Back Next Week.”

The proper response of the owner is to kiss whatever it is good bye, for he will never see it again.
People who intend to repay loans or return borrowed items have a time and date.  By leaving
it vague the liar has an entire week free and then can start a new series of lies in seven days.

“I Didn’t Know You Wanted It.”

From the last piece of cake to the car in the garage, this lie stinks worse than a two day old dead mackerel.  Firstly, whatever it was the Liar took obviously was not pulled from the trash or taken off a dump.  Usually the time between when the Liar  sees the item and takes possession of it is the give away.  If it is under thirty seconds, the lie is automatically proven. If it is over ten minutes, depending on the object, the lie gains a few micrograms of credibility, but not much.  Better to make a lopsided smile and admit you deprived the Liee of it.