5. Do Not Make Bread in Small Spaces

Already, I can see the looks of confusion as this one, very small point gets read. Bread in small spaces? Oh yes. Please, allow me to explain this awesome piece of advice. Bread is a wonderful substance and smells absolutely delicious as it bakes, but unless a person has made bread before, the one huge ingredient of bread is often forgotten: Yeast. Yeast smells absolutely terrible, which often doesn’t matter if the bread is made in an open area or a large kitchen; however, if you live in an apartment or work in a very small space, the smell of yeast will infiltrate all your senses and leave you gasping at the tiny square window for a breath of fresh air.

4. Don’t Unplug the Mystery Refrigerator

You just rented a new place and you’re anxious to move in. The excitement mounts as you look over your appliances, check out your furniture, take a wander down the hall… And then there it is. Halfway down the hall is a second refrigerator, tied shut with some kind of wire. You call the landlord and inquire after the unusual looking appliance, but she tells you not to worry about it – it’s empty and will be gone in a couple of days. You think nothing of it, but see that it’s plugged in and costing you money, so you unplug it. Well, after a couple days you start to notice a strange smell that seems to be coming from the fridge. Bravely, you pull on the rubber gloves and cut the wire that’s wrapped around the fridge door, and then you swing the door open… and several eyes stare back at you! Moldy fish surrounded by moldy walls will haunt your dreams for the rest of your life.

3. Watch Out for That Door…

Ah, how nice it is of someone to hold open the door for you! Why, they deserve a great big… WHAM… smack! Yes, ladies and gentleman, the door was let go and that sticky red stuff on your hands is your own. Be weary of the courageous door-openers!

2. Don’t Let the Kids Near the Appliances

You just spent a long day at work and you’re eager to get home. You wonder if the kids put the dishes in the dishwasher like you asked, and you feel certain that they did. As you approach your house, you notice something steaming on the front lawn and both your kids are standing on the porch looking down at it. The stench of smoke fills your nostrils when you open the front door and you immediately look to the kitchen, where you notice that the dishwasher has disappeared. You go out onto the porch and join your kids in observing the smoldering dishwasher.

“Was it empty?” you ask.

The kids look at each other, and then back to the dishwasher. “Nope,’ they reply.

1. Beware of the Redneck Mechanic

The car sputters, wheezes, and starts to cough. The lights go dim, the steering stiffens, and then everything stops. You notice that you’re right outside of a farmhouse, and you know that the man who lives there is a licensed mechanic, so you get out of the car and walk to the house. A tall man answers the door when you knock, listens to your tale of misfortunate, and agrees to help. He tells you to wait at the door for a moment and disappears into the kitchen. The farmer comes back and says that he’s ready, and the two of you walk back to your car. He spends a few minutes under the hood before producing a butter knife. He jams it between the battery and the connecting wire. Next, he tells you that the steering fluid cap has a hole in it, so he tosses the cap and pulls out half a pop can to replace it. He wipes his hands on his pants, slams the hood back down, and says, “I’ll need five dollars for that knife and ten cents for the can.”