Five Steps to Total Reformational Transcendence!
by Toni Tubbs walks us through his famous five steps for becoming the best we can be by embracing self-hope, not self-help!
Step 3. Put gas in your SPACE ROCKET!
This is absolutely essential. I’ve met very few people on this green Earth who put gas in their space rockets, but when I have – man, is it a trip! People whose rockets are gassed up don’t need any other transportation. Do you know why? Because when you have GAS in your ROCKET you’re always going! I know what you’re thinking: but I’m a DRAGON, Toni. Why do I need a rocket? Because dragons can’t fly in outer space, that’s why! What is gas? It’s LIFE FORCE. And what is a rocket? It’s something that takes you somewhere people think it’s impossible to go. I’ve certainly never heard of anybody REALLY barreling through the atmosphere fast enough to burst out into the cosmos – but I’ll tell you what you CAN do, you can ride YOUR rocket all the way to the moon! Trust me, your spouse or partner will thank you once you’ve decided where your space rocket is going. He or she will wonder why it took you so long!
Step 4. Build your EMERALD CASTLE!
By now, it’s time to move out of your cave. Trust me, there won’t be room for your dragon there anymore, big and scary as it’s become! Your emerald castle can look like anything, anything at all, as long as you’ve got that gas in your rocket. A hotel room, a army base, a basement, a large box, a bathroom stall, maybe even an actual castle – there is NO MORE LIMIT to what you can or can’t do! Your castle is self-sufficient. When you need something, just pull those emeralds right off the walls and eat them, because your dragon can digest ANYTHING. But please, remember that RT is not about pulling down but building up. Onlookers are going to be checking out your sexy music box more than ever – don’t hold it against them that they don’t have one!
Step 5. CUT! YOUR! PARACHUTE!
This fifth and final step is by far the most transcendent! It comes in three parts: first: CUT!: this means it’s time to completely let go of absolutely everything you thought or felt or said or did or made or sang or were before RT. Furthermore: second: YOUR!: once you’ve cut it all away, do you know what’s left? Of course not, you haven’t done it yet! But I’ll tell you what it will be. Yours. Lastly: third: PARACHUTE!: one thing you’ve cut is your parachute strings, because the message of RT doesn’t have time to just float leisurely down to the ground. It’s got to fall. And fall hard. It’s got to HIT PEOPLE RIGHT IN THE FACE! They need to know how bad it hurts to be wrong, and to have been so unbelievably jealous, especially when you got that sexy music box wound up and burned their brains away with your DRAGON-BREATH! And then they will transcend, just as you have. And next thing you know, you’ll find yourself with a New York Times bestseller.
Speaking of which, my fourteenth book, entitled 5 Steps to Total Reformational Transcendence! Volume 14, is now available everywhere, even places where you can’t buy books. It’s that good. Pick up a softcover or hardcover for any price you want to pay, because money doesn’t even make any sense with RT. A hundred dollars for a book? A thousand dollars? What’s the difference?
Unleash YOUR inner dragon today!!!
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