Below are four types of ways inwhich people handle stressful situations. They are a broad view, but I believe that we will see a little of ourselves in each of the examples.

The Breakdown Method

This is the most common response to situations that cause immense stress. I say that because whether it is in the beginning or the end, the original or final stage, eventually you will breakdown to some degree.

The breakdown method is about the release of emotions. A loved one is in the hospital and you feel lost. Your life is flying out of your control and you react emotionally. To whatever degree, you are breaking down. You are at a loss of control. It isn’t bad, unless you go to extremes, but everyone needs emotional release.

I saw a woman crying, sobbing as well as simply weeping, attempting to control her emotions, and failing. This is human. It was nothing to be embarrassed about, people understand.

The Blame Something, Anything Method

This is the least socially accepted method of dealing with stressful situations, and might I say in my experience, the ugliest.

When some people feel out of control, or scared, and they don’t know how to deal with it, they need something tangible to blame. It may come in the form of blaming a doctor who couldn’t save a patient, or a family member who made a decision that didn’t turn out as expected. I’m not talking about blaming the battery in your car when it won’t start, that is a logical response for that given situation. I’m talking about the illogical flying off the handle when things really are outside of human control.

I witnessed a man make a scene in a hospital waiting room, blaming the clergy for going in to see his father before him. He yelled, he struck out at the man verbally, because he needed the release of having something to blame. It was ugly; the family was embarrassed, which added additional stress when none was needed.

The Helpful Method

When things are outside of your control, sometimes you go out of your way to gain control of other things. You become Helpful. You make sure others have food, drink, etc. You make sure you’re available to assist. It’s a beautiful gesture, and sometimes focusing on the things that would make life easier during a stressful situation gives a person something to focus on and give you back a little bit of control over your life.

There was a woman in this family that made several trips to the cafeteria, made sure everyone had coffee and sodas, even offered to go collect children from childcare and watch them all at her house until things settled down. It was loving offer after offer. I’ll never know if they took her up on her offers, but as she ran about, you could tell that it was her way of hiding from what was going on at that time. I hope that means that she dealt with the stress later, somehow, because bottling it up never helped anyone.

The In-Charge Method

This is as close to a hero as any person who chases down criminals or runs into fires to save lives. This is the person that pulls it all together and makes things happen so that everyone else can deal in their own way, breaking down, blaming something, helping out. They take charge. They answer questions, fill out paperwork, setup networks so that everyone is updated as things happen and know who else to contact to continue the chain. They make difficult communications when the need arises, they take the night shift, etc. They remain rational while the situation exists, only breaking down in private, and once it’s safe to let go of the control they had to accept.

A man I’ll never know, a member of the family that I sat near, behaved as though he were meant always to be in charge.  When the woman was crying, he comforted her. When the other man was throwing a fat and making a scene, he followed and calmed him down. He helped the helper carry the parcels of food and drink. He was given the task of delivering the bad news to the matriarch of the family. He was the first one at the hospital, and as I understand it the last one to leave the next morning. He made himself everything that the family needed at that time.

These are just four of the numerous ways that people deal with the stress that happens in their lives. They are broad examples, but watching this family and the myriad of variations of these four methods gave me a better view into myself and how I deal with things within my own life. I only hope that by passing this one, you too may gain that insight.