How Best to Deal with Arguments

In an ideal world everyone would see eye to eye, or would at least respect each others point of view. However, back in the real world, being understood and understanding others when you have clashing opinions can feel almost impossible.

Arguments can cause a lot of upset, fear, rage and a myriad of other negative emotions. They can also, when handled badly, cause people who once cared for one another to drift apart and to feel sore at each other forever more.

At other times they can cause a rift between people who are almost strangers, who develop an intense dislike for each other because of a minor upset.

You can see that in such a case the individuals involved must have over-reacted, which is what tends to happen with most arguments. When tempers fray, and strong emotions abound, people can become so wrapped up in whats going on inside of themselves that they are blinded to whats going on on the outside.

This is what happens when an argument gets out of hand. The people who are arguing are unable, or unwilling to try to understand each other. They may feel defensive, and so launch a verbal attack at the person who they regard as their opposition.

This is when hurtful words are spoken, but not forgotten by the person on the receiving end. At times, verbal aggression and unkindness can feel just as painful as a physical assault, but may last much longer.

If you find yourself in an argument then be careful not to let your emotions run away with you. Instead, take your time to breath deeply from your belly. This is because when we are upset and experiencing panic we are likely to breath from high up in our body. This produces even more upset feelings and causes us to feel out of control. By breathing deeply you will give yourself the gift of time before you react, as well as keeping yourself calm and centered.

If another person is all uptight and sounding stressed, the chances are that this is what they are experiencing. You don’t need to agree with what they have to say, or even to like them to have some empathy with these emotions.

In order to bring the argument back down to a more reasonable level that is more like an adults debate, you need the other person to calm down as well as you.

To get them to relax more, hold what you are dying to say in a little longer. If you join in then they will get louder in order to be heard over you. If you let them naturally calm down a little, by simply listening to them they will become more approachable and you will have let them tell you what they needed to get off of their chest.

By listening to them you will also have afforded them some respect, at the same time as showing them the way to go. Once they realise that they are ranting and raving, but that you are quite and mature, they will begin to feel a tad ashamed at their own behaviour, and will also become aware that they need to get themselves under control.

If you reflect back to them what they have said to you about the problem as they see it, you can show them that you have properly heard them and are attempting to understand them, and lets face it, what most people want in an argument is to feel understood.

By reflecting back, I really mean repeating what they have said but in different words. Doing this will calm someone down in almost any situation, provided that they are reachable and so are not high on alcohol or drugs.

If you have managed all of this during an argument then you will have gained some respect in return from the other person. You will both be far calmer and will be better able to deal with your issues.

Finally, remember that you don’t have to get everyone to agree with you all of the time in life. Sometimes it is worth just agreeing to disagree, even if this is the only agreement that you end up making.