How to Be More Assertive

All of us come across situations where we feel either threatened or intimidated in some way. I’m not talking about life and death experiences here, just your average day to day occurrences when another person is either verbally aggressive or even inadvertently short changes you in some way.

There are times when we are misunderstood by a person, or when they are just downright out of order and we need to set them straight. Doing so can be tough if you haven’t yet learnt, and practiced this skill.

The trick is to be able to respond in a mature and intelligent fashion, without letting yourself down by being too afraid to speak, or by becoming aggressive and defensive because you dont know how else to respond.

A great way to respond is to begin by taking the emotion out of what you have just heard that is troubling you, and to separate yourself from this side of things so that what you say in return doesn’t sound like anyone has got the better of you and ruffled your feathers.

Then make a factual comment about the situation. For example, ‘what you have just said has come across as being offensive….was that your intention?’

Most people on the receiving end of this comment will be taken aback by it, especially if you manage to keep your tone light but clear, avoiding anxiety in your voice.

The truth is that most people dont correctly address another person who is treating them badly. They may cry, rant and rave or take it on the chin. Occasionally ignoring a problem person, if they are not repetitive with their behaviour is wise, but most of the time an adult response is required.

If you dont stand up for yourself then you can appear to be a wet blanket by those who enjoy being unkind and they will continue their bad behaviour.

In the case of the earlier example where an appropriate, mature response is made, the offensive person is highly likely to apologise and to treat you better in the future.

They will not like it having been pointed out to them that they were speaking out of term, and will want to save face and pretend that it was a mistake. Even if the response that they give to you is intended to get themselves out of this scrape it will still leave you on top and proud that you didn’t let them get away with it.