How to Care for Someone with a Life-Threatening Illness
by No two people react in exactly the same way to having a life-threatening disease. Same is also true that there is no single right way to relate to a friend or family member who is afflicted with such an illness. There are some general principles, however, that might be helpful when you face such a situation.
1. You can’t keep bad news from a person.
Communication studies show that less than 30 percent of our feelings are conveyed by words. More than 70 percent of our feelings are conveyed through gestures.
The so-called “conspiracy of silence” isn’t silence at all. It’s a clear giveaway. A good example is the physician who didn’t want to reveal the terminal illness of the patient. The patient knew that his suspicions were true because the physician could no longer make good eye contact.
Sometimes ill persons talk positively about their health condition when they are with family who are trying to hide the bad news. When they are with people who are neutral, they freely express their feelings about their illness.
One patient said “Nobody will tell me what’s wrong with me , but I know it’s cancer. I am not feeling or looking better.”
Once people tell a lie or act a lie around a person who has a life-threatening illness, they have to plan everything else around that lie. It is a tightrope that few people can walk successfully.
2. A young person, with a life-threatening illness needs independence and flexibility.
The move from adolescence to adulthood is in the direction of independence. Hospitalization often puts a roadblock in the path of this movement. The young person may rebel against being waited on or being restricted. After leaving the hospital, he o she should do as many things independently as possible. Include the person in organized activities and encourage him or her to join you in projects that were a part of the lifestyle prior to the illness. Allow the person to make the decision whether an activity is too strenuous.
A teen-ager should be given the opportunity of having treatments in the evening so as not to curtail daytime activities either with friends or at school. A schedule that conforms more closely with life as it was before the disease appeared may feel more comfortable.
3. Don’t force the person into the sick role.
This can make the individual sick and different. Friends and family who are either overprotective or overindulgent can hinder a young person’s adaptation to the disease and inhibit the movement toward independence.
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Post CommentTeves
On November 4, 2009 at 5:15 am
Great article…
Frances Lawrence
On November 4, 2009 at 7:00 am
This is very good advice, I know from personal experience how hard it is to support someone you love with a terminal illness. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
chitragopi
On November 4, 2009 at 8:25 am
Deeply thought of. Commendable article.
agriculi
On November 4, 2009 at 11:44 am
Ecellent.
Tanya Wallace
On November 4, 2009 at 7:24 pm
Absolutely wonderful advice as well as write and subject Athena! This is not a very happy subject at the best of times and saddens me to think about young children being seriously ill but this is a great eye opener for many to be more prepared and handle the situation much better! Excellent work as always! You have my like!!
SharifaMcFarlane
On November 6, 2009 at 7:46 am
Great job as usual Athena!
I have been fortunate to have good examples of care shown to me by my parents, when people in our live have been ill.
It helps when others-even one other- around you think the same way about how love should be shown in a time of illness.
It is hard for people who are sole caregivers.
The video with this is also magnificent and very encouraging.