How to Care for Someone with a Life-Threatening Illness

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4. It’s not what you say that counts but that you care enough to be with the person.

Healing the broken spirit doesn’t happen unless somebody is willing to enter the pain of the other person. Henri J.M. Nouwen said you can’t expect to lead a man out of the desert if you have never been to the desert. To rescue a child from a burning building, you must take the risk of being burned by the flames.

This is what some call the ministry of presence, but presence is not a ministry of healing unless you really want to be present with your sick friend or family member. Reluctant presence can be a source of pain.

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5. Don’t withdraw from a person when the condition worsens. Isolation intensifies pain.

I often hear the comment, “I want to remember her the way she was before she got sick.” This does not justify staying away from a sick friend.

A relative died of multiple sclerosis. During the last three years of his life his two sons never entered his bedroom. They wanted to remember their father “the way he was.” The agony of rejection was more unbearable than the disease itself.

6. Treat a seriously ill person the way you would treat any other living person.

That person wants to be part of the family plans. That person is still happy to share interests and observations about life.

7. Be honest about your own feelings.

As your friend or relative openly talks about the disease process that is threatening life, you may feel the tears coming. Don’t squeeze them back. Permit them to run down your cheeks. If you have feelings of affection, put them into words. If you appreciate the person, say so. If you know you have unkind feelings inside, make an apology.

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8. When your ill friend or relative is depressed, don’t refuse that person the “temporary luxury” of self pity.

It may hurt you to hear the words of despair, but if you allow your friend. To talk it out, the depression will pass more quickly. This is a time for touching. This is the time when you forget the clock on the wall.

Your depressed friend or relative, who may have felt like a nobody would feel valuable, thanks to the “temporary luxury” of self pity.

9. Life-threatening illness curtails a person’s activities. Share new ideas.

A once physically active person who is struck by cancer may have to stop his outdoor recreation, but if someone would introduce a new activity, like crafts, music, or even writing and blogging, this can pave the way for even more creativity.

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10. Be available to your friend over the long haul.

Henri J. Nouwen, in a lecture, said that the most loving response is the one that says, “I don’t know what to do or say, but I will stay with you.” The one who stays with us in our powerlessness and enters our brokenness is a real friend.

Remissions, setbacks, and periodic checkups can produce a lot of anxiety, brokenness and shattered hopes. You friend or relative needs to have you there when the picture is dark. And when you care, it makes it a lot easier for your friend that God cares, too.