First, understand that “Communication is the response you get.” This means that the key is to say things in such a way that the person you’re talking to perceives it the way you meant it. If you say something that was meant to make the person feel good, and they are offended instead, that is poor communication. We have to continually monitor the person we are talking to and adjust our communication strategies based on the response (feedback) we get. By attending to the feedback, and adjusting appropriately, we improve a great deal.

The next step is to have a clear goal. Most people are talking randomly and actually have no true goal. But when things don’t “go their way” they are surprised or sometimes even upset. When speaking, have a goal and don’t say or do anything that doesn’t move you in the direction of that goal. By keeping focused on this, you can keep the conversation on track and meet your goals.

Another great strategy is to help others feel good about themselves. Give light complements, they should be subtle, sincere and true. Acknowledge their points in the conversation, people love and need to be validated. Show that you care about and appreciate the other person, this can be a great relationship builder.

Practice “Conversational Generosity.” If you want to be liked or influential, let others speak the majority of the time. People we’re talking to naturally perceive us as talking longer than we actually did, so be aware of this. If you speak 50% of the time, you will be seen as “hogging” the conversation. If you speak 40% of the time, the conversation will seem “balanced” to your speaking partner. If you speak 30% of the time, or less, you’ll be seen as generous, attractive, and a good listener. One of the easiest ways to be liked is to be a good listener. People are starving for someone to actively listen to them. Strangely, the less you say, the more people listen and retain what you do say. Try it and see!