How to Make Someone Extremely Pissed Off at You
by Have an arch nemesis? Want to get even with your sworn enemy? Here are ways to do just that in a nonviolent way. Say no to violence, people. It’s bad.
Peace, as a general rule, is the way to go. Avoiding confrontations, staying away from violence: these are good things. I am all for the reducing of the number of pointless murders occur every day in modern society.
But there are just some times when you want to beat the living crap out of someone. I know: I’ve been there. There are just some people who are you find extremely annoying, stupid, irritable or maddening. All of us have a Draco Malfoy out there somewhere.
But friends, you must resist the temptation to rip said person’s face off. Violence is not the way to go. But everybody likes a good high school showdown; they are the subject of many a movie and many a book. So, instead of beating your nemesis’ face in, choose the non-violent yet equally-satisfying path. Just follow one of the steps below if you really want to piss someone off.
Look at forehead
This is a classic technique, and is highly effective (though results may vary depending on who your nemesis is). The basic idea of this tactic is, when confronted by your enemy or when simply talking to them, don’t make eye contact. Instead, stare about an inch above their eyes, aiming for their forehead.
Don’t look down into their eyes! Keep staring at their forehead, and when they ask “What are you looking at?!” just say “Nothing.” And if they ask why you are looking at their forehead, deny you are doing so.
This tactic has a good chance of making them annoyed, and will also cause them to repeatedly check to see if something is on their forehead. Practice it in the mirror before attempting.
Hard of hearing
Also another classic (you’ve probably already guessed what this one is about). Once again, if you find yourself talking to your arch nemesis, choose one of your ears (doesn’t matter which). This chosen ear, preferably the one closer to your enemy, is now your “bad ear”. Whenever he/she pauses for you to say something, pretend to not have heard him/her with the excuse of “my ____ ear is my bad ear”.
If you really want to piss your enemy off, turn your “good ear” towards him/her, listen for awhile, then (when he/she pauses for you to talk) shake your head and apologize, saying that your “good ear” is actually your “bad ear”, and can he/she repeat everything again?
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