How to Say No: Effective Refusal Techniques

Do you have trouble saying no?

Someone asks if you want to do something, you try to refuse but the other person presses you for an answer-and you end up getting talked into doing something you tried to avoid in the first place! You’ve been out maneuvered.

Learn how to spot typical scenarios where you are pressured to say yes and master techniques to get your message across.

When You Try to Say No and Are Out Maneuvered

First Scenario

Pressured to Agree to Something

Your friend asks: “Do you want to go to that movie?”

You reply: “Not really.”

Friend: “Well, why not?”

You: “It’s really not my cup of tea.”

Friend: “Aw . . . come on. It’ll be fun.”

You: “Hmmm . . .”

Friend: “It won’t take that long.”

You (capitulating): “Well . . . I guess. All right.”

Do you see what happened? How could this have been avoided? Let’s rewind and pick up this conversation in the middle:

How to Say No Using the Other Person’s Reasoning

Friend: “Aw . . . come on. It’ll be fun.”

You: “Hmm . . . “

Friend: “It won’t take that long.”

Your response:

You: “Well, then, you shouldn’t mind going on your own for such a short spell.”

Refusal Technique: use someone else’s reasoning to demonstrate why your position isn’t unreasonable.

Second Scenario

Someone wants you to do something they could do for themselves

Friend: “Come on, just do this one thing for me.”

You: “I really don’t have the time to spend on it.”

Friend: “It’s not that big of a deal.”

You: “Hmm . . .”

Friend: “It won’t take very long.”

You: “Well . . . I guess so.”

Rewind: How to Say No

You: “I really don’t have the time to spend on it.”

Friend: “It’s not that big of a deal.”

You: “Hmm . . . “

Friend: “It won’t take very long.”

You: “Well then, I’m confident you’ll be able to fit it into your schedule.”

Again, you’ve used their reasoning to show why your refusal isn’t cruel.

Refusal Techniques

Fudging on Purpose, When You Actually Mean No

Someone pressures you to commit to something and you can’t think of a way to refuse. This is the time to fudge it.

When they ask you for an answer, say: “We’ll see.”

This is a perfect response-you aren’t saying no and you aren’t saying yes, which gives you time to decide what’s the best course in your circumstances.

If the other person claims they need a firm commitment, simply state that you’ll have to check your schedule before giving them an answer.

If you hear: “This is really important.”

Agree with them: “I’m sure it is. That’s why I’ll give it top priority by checking to see if I’m free then.”

Fourth Scenario

* You run into someone and they ask you to contribute time or money to a cause you don’t agree with. You are at a loss for words.

Simply look at your watch and say: “Oh no! I’m late. Gotta run.”

Learning how to say no can save you much frustration. Why sacrifice needless hours or your resources on things you feel forced into? Become master of your free time using effective refusal techniques.

How to Say No: Further Reading

How to Say No

How to Say no to People Making Demands on your Time