How to Seem More Intelligent
Tired of being thought a dullard? Here are some easy ways to seem smarter than you really are.
Girls don’t go for nerds. Everybody knows that.
But girls also aren’t too crazy about morons. So if you find yourself unable to contribute anything interesting to conversations with women, or unable to understand some of the polysyllabic—that is, big—words they use, you might want to consider giving your mind a little makeover.
But getting smart is no picnic. I mean, who wants to read a bunch of books, or watch a bunch of terrible foreign films, or think? That stuff’s no fun.
That’s why I decided to come up with a few tricks that will make you seem more intelligent without forcing upon you the loathsome burden of actually becoming more intelligent. Follow these suggestions and girls will never suspect how little you actually know. Well, some girls might suspect it—hell, they might see right through this little act—but that’s no reason to worry. Because if they do see through it, then they must be a know-it-all. And no one wants to have sex with a know-it-all. Not even me.
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Preface Your Opinions with Four-Star Words
Stating your opinion can be a dangerous thing, especially when that opinion is based on little to no actual knowledge. That’s why it’s good to surround your lackluster ideas with impressive-sounding words.
Beginning a sentence with “essentially” or “fundamentally” is a dependable way to compensate for and even mask the crude simplicity of the idea that is to follow. For example, saying “Rambo is a good movie” isn’t going to turn any heads. It might even mark you as an idiot. But saying “Fundamentally, Rambo is a good movie” has a completely different effect. It makes it sound as if you know something about the fundamentals of film. And it also makes it seem as if you’re one of those guys who’s able to get past all the bullshit and just see a thing for what it really is. “When all is said and done,” your sentence now says, “Rambo is a good goddamn flick.”
And these words will serve to spruce up any opinion, no matter how poor it may actually be. You can get away with saying “Fundamentally, that girl has a nice set of tits,” or “Essentially, I just really have to take a shit right now,” without letting people know how little is truly going on upstairs.
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