How to Seem More Intelligent
Tired of being thought a dullard? Here are some easy ways to seem smarter than you really are.
Wow. What a difference. Any girl who heard this story would be just blown away. She wouldn’t be entertained, she wouldn’t understand what the hell she just heard, but she would know one thing—this guy is one smart son of a bitch. Of course, she’d be wrong. But that’s what we’re going for.
Let Yourself Go To Hell
This is an easy one.
Just stop shaving, stop brushing your teeth, allow yourself to gain weight, and wear the same outfit every day.
At first, girls will probably think you’re poor, or crazy, and that’s fine. Because after they realize you aren’t poor or crazy—after they realize that you simply make a conscious decision to appear like this—they’ll suspect that such a squalid outer life must be the result of an extremely rich inner life. “He must have so many beautiful ideas in there to keep him occupied,” they’ll say about you, “because otherwise I can’t understand how the guy could stand smelling like that.”
And after you’ve established your intelligence with a woman—that is, after she’s made the mistake of believing you to be intelligent—you can gradually return to a more kempt look. She’ll probably think that you’re changing your appearance for her, that she transformed you from a smelly, introverted genius to a clean, not particularly intelligent member of society. But she’ll always cherish those early days—“your philosopher-king days,” she’ll call them endearingly—and she’ll honestly believe that she fell for you because of the powerful beauty of your ideas. Even though you never told her any beautiful ideas. Even though the only beautiful idea you had was to let yourself go so that women would figure you had deeper, more spiritual concerns than attending to your body. And that was my idea.
So if you want to be a smarter person, you should probably read some books, watch some inscrutable art house cinema, and even go back to school. But if, like the rest of us, you just want to seem like a smarter person, then don’t worry, you won’t have to do any of that hard ratiocinating crap. Yes, you can just appropriate my simple advice and, trust me, the results will be resplendent.
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