How to Stop Self-criticism

“You’re no good”  “You’ll never make it”  “Who do you think you are?”  “You’re stupid.” “‘You’re fat.”  “You’re ugly.”

These are not pretty words, yet many of us hear these and similar negative phrases in our head all the time.   We are socialized and influenced by our parents, teachers, places of worship, and our culture. They did the best they could so this is not a “bash your parents” piece at all.  

Many people have received positive words and encouragement and we like those phrases in our head, and obviously want to keep them.  “You can do it.”  I believe in you.”  “I love you.”  We are thankful for those areas of our life where words like these kick in.  But for some people this is rare.    

The insidious damage of hearing negative words said to us is that we internalize them and believe them as truths about ourselves.  When a child constantly hears, “you’re stupid,” he or she often concludes, “I’m stupid.”

Such negative statements are not truths, even if there is evidence in our lives that seems to prove it. This is because our constant attention to the negative words draws the circumstances and conditions into our lives.  So what can we do about the incessant negative chatter in our heads?  How do we turn it off?

Our minds are part of a spectacular system which represents (re-presents) the outside world to us.  As conscious beings, we use our mind to think, to remember, and to create.  Sometimes it feels as if the thoughts and the resulting emotions just happen to us.  But think for a moment.  There is no one else in your head. No one can force you to think in a certain way.  “If that’s true,” you might ask, “Why am I doing this to myself?  Why do I hold onto these old negative thoughts? They’re driving me crazy!”  

There are as many answers to why as there are people, and far beyond the scope of this article. To take control of your life, you don’t have to answer the why question.  There is a way that you can lessen, turn off or shut down that negative voice.  

I learned this method in my NLP practitioner’s course and it started me on my path back to myself. 

Our imaginations are real.  That may sound paradoxical, because many of us have been told “it’s only your imagination” as if that is nothing.  Imagination is the ability to make an image in your mind. It is a mental image and therefore not like a TV screen in your head, although some people can “see’ very vividly.  That is not necessary for this exercise which is to:   

Imagine, think, pretend there is a radio inside your brain and one station is stuck on a negative program.  You now have many choices: 

1.  You can Imagine changing the dial to another station. 

2.  You can turn the volume down. 

3.  You can turn the blasted thing off entirely!

Do whichever one feels appropriate or easy for you to do.  Some people throw out the radio all together and buy a new one that only broadcast positive stations.  

If you are not used to using your imagination, play with it a bit to give yourself confidence.  Turn the sound up and down several times. Move the dial back and forth. Don’t worry about how to do it; that’s the benefit of imagination.  Pretend you know how and then you will.  Or ask yourself, “If I knew how to do this, what would I do?”  Our minds are incredible tools for change and transformation.

Have fun tuning in to your new station in which you are the scriptwriter and the broadcaster . . . and start hearing:  “I can do this.”  “This is fun”  “You are amazing.”  “I always knew you could do it.”