How to Turn Your Child Into a Thief
by “The chief lesson I’ve learned in a long life is that the only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him; and the surest way to make him untrustworthy is to distrust him and show your mistrust.” – Henry L. Stimson.
More and more psychological studies show that we have the power to call out the worst or the best in people by our expectations. The executive who believes “you just can’t get good help anymore” and the teacher who is convinced that most kids are lazy hold a remarkable negative power over those people.
Psychologist C. Knight Aldrich wrote a fascinating article years ago in a psychology journal explaining how parents can quickly turn their children into thieves. Here’s the way to do it. Let us say that your son – as most children do at some time or another – engages in some petty theft. Perhaps he steals a package of candy. If you say to him, “Now we know what you are – you’re a thief! We’ll be watching you from now on,” it is quite likely that he will steal more and can quickly graduate from stealing candy to stealing cars.
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On the other hand, you can react with both firmness and gentleness by saying, “Jim, that wasn’t like you at all. We’ll have to go back to the store and clear this up, but we’re not going to make a huge thing of it. What you did was wrong, you know it was wrong, and we’re sure you won’t do it again.” After such treatment most kids’ stealing careers are over. The principle is very old: by assuming a negative attitude and reflecting back to people all the data about their weaknesses, you put them in touch with their faults and their behavior becomes worse. By assuming a positive attitude and concentrating on their strong aspects, you put them in contact with their good attributes and their behavior becomes better.
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Post CommentPetalm
On December 2, 2009 at 8:46 am
I’m just going through something similar, and it is such a natural reaction to be accusing and do exactly what this article says NOT to do!
drelayaraja
On December 2, 2009 at 9:14 am
Wonderful write..thank u
neet
On December 2, 2009 at 9:16 am
This is so correct. Well done.
AlmaG
On December 2, 2009 at 9:22 am
I love this post for this very important lesson!
diamondpoet
On December 2, 2009 at 9:22 am
It would seem as though a thought has been implanted in their heads, I don\’t think that negative comments always have a bad effect on a person, my grandmother used to say to me, you are going to be just like your mother. That made me angry and I did not want to be anything like my mother, who abandoned her 6 children, I wanted to be better than that, I am not perfect, but I promise you I am nothing like her. Thanks for the share.
papaleng
On December 2, 2009 at 10:19 am
Got curious with your title, but i find your article very handy for parents. Nice write.
Starpisces
On December 2, 2009 at 10:26 am
Interesting, you have a point, well said
Rinkal Desai
On December 2, 2009 at 10:27 am
informative nice to share
abhishek40914
On December 2, 2009 at 10:33 am
very good, most of shoplifters in the world consist of children, very sad
Christine Ramsay
On December 2, 2009 at 11:03 am
You are so right. I went through this with my son when he was very small and I realised I would have to deal with the problem carefully. He soon grew out of it. Good work.
Christine
K.Reshma
On December 2, 2009 at 11:28 am
Very interesting
Lady Sunshine
On December 2, 2009 at 11:35 am
Parents need to be careful on how they talk to their children. Good write.
lillyrose
On December 2, 2009 at 12:02 pm
that sounds excellent advice! concentrate on the positive!
chitragopi
On December 2, 2009 at 12:15 pm
The title shocked me. An excellent article.
Frances Lawrence
On December 2, 2009 at 1:09 pm
Very wise advice.
8Shei8
On December 2, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Parents have the toughest job but I do agree with you. Great write!
Themax
On December 2, 2009 at 3:55 pm
yes very well written Thank you
Teves
On December 2, 2009 at 6:22 pm
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Shirley Shuler
On December 2, 2009 at 10:07 pm
Great post, gift. I do agree with you.
Jon Abraham
On December 3, 2009 at 2:25 am
There seem to be so many kids who steal nowadays, not knowing what it will lead to. Your article should be read by the whole world!
giftarist
On December 3, 2009 at 8:41 am
Thanks Jon. and thank you for all your comments.
Justin L Moreaux
On December 7, 2009 at 5:22 pm
Now this is brilliant. Nice stuff here! I appreciate your lessons on how to be a good parent.
I’m not YET a parent, but I want to know how to be a good one. So thank you.