I Am The Replica (Of an Exploding Penguin) and Other BS

When I was nurtured out of a wooden nickel that my Dad had taken from the corner store,
leaving a mere greenback behind for it, I learned that taking a wooden nickel was a
good way of finding out who your friends weren’t.

I decided that business was full of so much, that I’d probably be better off having a
charity, and making my own wooden nickels to leave off at the store. However, I lacked
one thing, the understanding of poverty.

Being poor has led to the inspiration for this book. Poor people have to listen to
a lot of nonsense. Such as, I was borne into being a Boston Baked bean should suffice.

I mean, if someone considers himself or herself to be a member of my family, excuse me,
just tell me, I went to a people factory and got a paint job – that’s cool by me.

Poor people use the N word a lot, noble, and give off a lot of vaporware. The “N”
word is just their poor way of saying “Noble”. So, if anyone calls you a N%^^#$^%#,
just think, hey, that wasted, twisted critter is trying to call me a “Noble”. Try not
to say “Noble” too often, except when in polite company.

I’ve learned a lot about Horticulture while out there – Hibiscus, Hyacinth, Heather,
Heliotrope, Hydrangea, Honeysuckle, Hips O’Rose all begin with the letter H.
Recently, I’ve been a groupie for the family that owns the letter H, or at least claims to. I’m not too
sure how much money these folks earn from royalties in the state of Ohio, where apparently
it is legal to claim ownership of the letter H, it’s a big secret.

The big secret is that there is no secret. Most of it is all nonsense, that that isn’t
nonsense, is voted down by committee vote as being nonsense, for the most part. Remember
to always fluff up your reports with a lot of nonsense for a better grade.

Cats fur makes kitten britches, that is, as long as there are not too many kittens. In
that case, we need to make cat fur by cloning. If we cannot figure out learning by
cloning, we should at least be able to clone cat fur.

Don’t confuse me with facts, my mind is made up, is something I learned from a college
professor. Learn what your employer or your instructor wants you to have as an opinion,
and go with it from there.