If You Believed

Why is it that we find it easier to believe the ugly about ourselves before we can even acknowledge the good? The lie seems to be easier to swallow…. the wounded victim, the martyr and the survivor …all easy marks for head games and mindless delusions…

How is it when we find our peace, it is so easily snatched from us? An unkind word, a look of disdain…simple silence, will all spell out our hidden flaws and leave them exposed for the world to see…

We don’t have it all  together and the lie is what we grasp for, the mask is what we put out there and our  vision becomes clouded by the selfish debris of our past.

We wait by the phone and when it doesn’t ring with the right person on the other end, our tremulous fears take over, our insecurities come forth like the “March of the Penguins”…parading and cascading over and over in our minds…He’s found someone else..he’s changed his mind. I shouldn’t have said that…I crossed the line, she doesn’t trust me….she doesn’t love me…I was too smothering, too analytical, too critical, too mean, too pushy, too chatty..too fat.

Why can’t we believe enough in ourselves, to know without a shadow of a doubt that we are more than able, more than enough to keep you …that we are beautiful and full of life and love and depth of soul. Why do others thoughts and convictions control and determine what we see and smell and taste?   

We are our own worst enemies…we shoot ourselves down at every opportunity  and we forget what we saw in the mirror this morning  and with  the first inclination of a problem or a fight, we try to control that which we are afraid of, then get angry and perpetuate the curse on our lives. But we’ll never be like them…

Oh the inheritance and the baggage we leave our children and our children’s  children.

But, what if… this time we did something different…what if we put our best foot forward and took a step closer, what if we held onto our dreams, what if we let them in.

What if we took off our mask and stood by our convictions, what if we loved instead of fought, and hugged instead of hit the target and thought the best instead of the worst…what if we believed in each other? What if she wasn’t your mother? What if all men don’t lie? What if we let down our pride and put each other first?  

What if ?