It’s amazing the number of people who can’t seem to hold their tongues when they ought. Every week there are publicly prominent people caught throwing tantrums like little children. People express their anger quite frequently in both private and public settings in increasingly vulgar forms, with swearing and sometimes even violence. Even for those who are not so out of control, a few choice words are often muttered when they believe no one can hear.

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There are many reasons why this sort of speech should be contained. It doesn’t actually do any good. The people who hear it will only have less respect for the person who loses their cool in such a manner, causing them to repeat the behavior which brought the explosion in the first place. No one looks better by calling another bad names. Generally, this behavior only reinforces the opinion that the person who explodes is unreasonable, out of control, and incompetent. People who do not have control of their tempers and their mouths reallly should listen to the old saying, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”

The Other Side of the Coin

On the other hand, what would happen if no one was ever to complain about anything, or express an opinion that was contrary to popular belief? Our nation was founded on the belief that all people have a right to their own opinions, and that we should be allowed to have a say in matters that affect our lives. Would our nation even exist if the founding fathers had only said things which were nice? Would women have the right to vote or equal pay? Would all people regardless of ethnicity have equal right, not just to vote, but to jobs, housing, or even services such as doctors and dentists? Would we have decent working conditions and reasonable pay? It seems that at some point someone has to say something to make a change for the better.

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What about times when a truly dangerous situation is observed? If a person witnesses the abuse of a child or an animal or even a spouse, should they hold to the standard of only saying that which is nice? I hope that they would not.

A New Standard

There needs to be a new look at how this phrase is interpreted. Perhaps it is not as I, at least, was taught as a child, that a person should only say nice things or nothing. Maybe the statement needs to be clarified. What if the statement was “Don’t say anything until you can say it in a calm and non-offensive manner”? Following this would certainly eliminate all the tantrum throwing adults, the name calling, and the generally disrespectful speech which seems to fly about without thought. In addition, it might encourage people to think through their emotions and come up with a better way of expressing themselves which will help to convince others that they need to be considered and taken seriously.

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We tell our children that the future is theirs to shape and change. We tell them that they should be polite. We tell them that adults don’t throw fits or call names. The media tells our children otherwise. Perhaps instead of focusing on teaching our children to change the future, we need to start by shaping the future ourselves by watching our own behavior and discussing inappropriate speech with our children, not by saying “Don’t say anything” but instead by asking “What’s the best way to say that for the situation?”

If you can’t say anything nice, find the best way to express how you feel.