Just a Handshake, Thank You

My wife and I enter the large double doors at the front of the church and make our way, hand-in-hand, toward the sanctuary. One of the greeters comes toward us and opens his arms to give us a large hug.

Whoa. My internal panic button, complete with flashing red lights and blaring sirens, goes off. 

I grew up just outside Providence, RI. A densely packed area in New England, Providence lies within the infamous BosNYWash metropolitan area: this is essentially a huge cluster of cities, ranging from New York City to Boston to Washington, DC. Unlike my current home in Texas there are no open spaces left where I grew up, and without city, county and state boundaries there would be no way of telling when you went from one area to the next. Subways, city streets, and high-rise elevators are always hustling and bustling with crowds of people that you rub shoulders and elbows with every day. It is unavoidable. So you grow up with this imaginary “three feet of personal space” around your person that gives you the illusion of privacy: you generally do not make eye contact or even speak to anyone unless necessary or you know them already. 

Hugging or embracing or kissing a person (especially one of the opposite sex) is out of the question, unless the person is a family member, spouse or very close friend. Period. 

This “three feet of personal space” is a boundary I have had my whole life, and quite frankly I resent the idea that I need to lose it, get over it or be delivered from it. It is safe, secure, and scriptural. Yes, I said scriptural. “Do not lay hands upon anyone too hastily … keep yourself free from sin.” (1Ti 5:22 NASB) The term ”lay hands” is the Greek word epitithemi, which is often interpreted as the hostile act of grabbing someone, but the word can also be translated as a friendly act. Like hugging or embracing. 

When I was dating my wife, we were members at another church, one that was very large and well established. During a series on marriage, the pastor spoke of how to protect your relationship with your wife. One of the things he shared was some rules that he and the elders of his church established. Like never allowing a man and a woman to be alone behind closed doors unless they were married, or commute together in the same vehicle unless they were, once again, married. I have heard some say that those rules sounded very legalistic, but I thought it was an excellent way to protect a marriage covenant.