Learning to Forgive: Breaking a Vicious Cycle

At the core of every truly fulfilling relationship whether marriage, friendship, parental, etc., is one main ingredient, forgiveness.

Forgiveness is something nearly everyone aspires to gain, but although no one would argue that it is the right thing do, many simply cannot manage to forgive others for the wrong they feel was done to them.

While it is virtually impossible to exit this life without experiencing emotional hurt, sometimes severe, you needn’t hold on to the pain and anger that simmers inside of you. There are hundreds of reasons for feeling hurt and resentful. Maybe the hurt is the result of a messy divorce or feeling unappreciated and neglected by family members. Maybe a close friend has let you down or betrayed your trust. Whatever the cause, forgiveness allows you to release these feelings and begin to heal. And sometimes, you may even discover that it was all just a misunderstanding, and that whatever grievance you imagined was never really intended to hurt you in the first place.

The Value of Forgiveness

No matter what the cause of your emotional distress, the important thing is not to let it dominate your life. Don’t cling to your bad feelings for months or years, letting them fester inside of you like a gigantic sore. Open yourself to forgiveness. Make a conscious choice to show understanding and compassion to the person who hurt you. Who knows? You may get a surprise and find that they have been waiting all along for a sign from you that you are open to trying to mend the relationship.

Sometimes reconciliation is the welcome outcome from offering forgiveness to someone who has wronged you. This experience can then lead to an entirely new relationship. One that is stronger and more satisfying for both of you. Unfortunately, there are times when someone has wronged us so badly that it is impossible to re-form the bonds of a relationship. It happens more often than we’d like in this imperfect world. If that happens to be the situation, then we must simply move on, but it is still important to forgive. Why? Because forgiveness is liberating. It will free your heart and mind from the unpleasantness of holding on to bitter feelings and enable you to move beyond the conflicts of the past and hopefully, on to a better future.

Although it isn’t always easy to forgive, you must remember that forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. You may never forget the incident by which you were hurt, but you don’t need to dwell on it. Forgiveness is always to your benefit as well as that of the person you give it to. Being able to forgive is a sign of strength both of character and of heart. It is not an indication of weakness. Holding on to your feelings of anger and resentment doesn’t take much willpower. It is the truly strong person who can push the past aside and release the negative feelings associated with it.