Learning to Forgive: Breaking a Vicious Cycle
The psychological benefits of forgiveness as opposed to grudge holding and allowing your anger, grief, etc., to continue to weigh you down.
3. You might also consider keeping a journal, if only for a limited period of time. There is nothing that can clarify your thoughts or feelings better than writing them down and reading them over at your leisure.
4. You can directly confront the person that hurt you and tell them exactly how you feel, but do this only if having such a conversation will result in the two of you really communicating honestly, not if such action will turn into a screaming match that benefits no one.
5. Practice saying over and over again, “I forgive you.” As you continue to do this throughout the day you will start to feel the words in your heart and to really mean them.
6. This last suggestion is perhaps the most important of all. Write a letter to the person who has hurt or betrayed you. Gather up all of your emotions — anger, resentment, hurt, betrayal, sadness, heartbreak, even blind rage — and hurl them all at this person. Tell them everything you are feeling, even down to the tiniest detail. As you are writing this letter, allow those feelings to surround you and feel them as fully as you did the first time. Read it over when you are finished. Then DO NOT give the letter to the person. This letter is not meant to be read by anyone but you. It was written for the duel purpose of clarifying and purging your feelings. Put it away in a safe spot where no one else will find it but it will be there if you need to read it again, or tear it to shreds and throw it away. Do whatever feels right to you.
Now you are ready to practice forgiveness.
The key to successfully forgiving someone who has hurt you is remembering that none of us are perfect. We all make mistakes whether they be making poor choices, seeking revenge, deceiving someone we love, etc. Throughout our lives there will be times when we will hurt another person, even deliberately. If we expect to be forgiven our errors in judgment, then we owe it to others to do the same. We owe it to ourselves as well. Lifting the burden of hurt, anger and resentment from your shoulders can truly be an emotionally satisfying, yes, even liberating experience.
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