Life’s Turning Points

A turning point is an event that impacts our lives. Some of these turning points apply to all of us in general such as coping with physical changes like puberty, adulthood or leaving Mom and Dad to be on our own. However, others, such as sudden death of a loved one, divorce or coping with an emotionally disturbed family member, may not happen to everyone.

The Coping

How we cope with these life changes depends on our personalities or whether we have a supportive social context in the specific circumstance like how old age is viewed. Perhaps this will depend on how integrated we are with our family and community. Elderly people who become isolated are less likely to cope well with ageing. In societies where the elderly are appreciated and respected for their greater experience and wisdom, old age is less likely to be feared or to provoke a crisis.

Recently, I accidentally met up with an ex-colleague and was sad to hear that she and her husband of 10 years divorced last year. Somehow, she said that she saw it coming three years before that. It was the process of the daily crumbling of the relationship that took its toll on her. As a result of this experience, she has become more guarded in approaching relationships. Gladly, there is no bitterness in her, although she admits that she tends to be cynical at times.

The Breaking Point

We all have different breaking points as we face each major turn. One person might be able to tolerate a high level stress yet able to cope well when an emergency arises. But for another, some emergent triggers like a car break down or a heated discussion with an impatient storekeeper could be a catalyst that might trigger a crisis.

Some transitions can be prepared for like a coming marriage or the birth of a first child, if planned. However, other change challenges our established regular routines, environmental setup and sense of security. By its nature and implication, any change can be threatening, and therefore a cause of anxiety, not only for us but for people affected by our change. The important thing is to grow and learn from the experiences at each turning point.

Looking Ahead

How well we cope with our turning points will be determined by factor including our physical, mental and emotional state, and to an extent, the support from people around us.

Identifying our personal strengths and possible areas of weakness will give insight in the way we tackle the anxieties that happen in each turning point we meet. It also helps to determine what changes we could make to improve the way we act and respond to the situation. Problems can be defused before they can develop into a full-blown crisis.

We can learn how to help ourselves and ask other people’s support when we need it. To some of us, we are not comfortable asking other people’s help, but there are instances, when we need to turn to others when we need it. Working through it all with an open mind, strength and knowledge gained from experience, we can look ahead better equipped at each turning point.