Living a Life Full of Regrets

It’s sad when you see someone living in the past and not being able to move on entirely. On the surface, she may seem to be moving along in life, trying to forget all the aches and pain from her failed marriage. In fact, the wound has not healed and any incident may trigger the wound to tear apart again.

She has lived with us since we got married. My husband requested that she gave up her job and her rented flat to move in together with us. I could understand my husband’s situation perfectly. He is her only son. She is getting old. In the name of filial piety, my husband is responsible for her well-being and obliged to take her in.

But after awhile, some things happened between myself and my husband. We were on the brink of a marital breakdown. My mother-in-law felt that history is repeating itself. She was overwhelmed with grief and was very depressed. She was most unhappy with her only son and what he did to the family.

During these unhappy times, I was struggling with my own emotions and had a hard time coming to terms with what was happening. At the same time, I had to comfort my mother-in-law who is extremely disappointed with my husband’s behaviour. I was stuck between the two of them, trying hard to appease both parties. I seldom succeed.

However, over the months of emotional turmoil, I kept calm and seek peace through lots of prayers. It was the only way for me to remain sane. My mother-in-law would consult me and asked what am I going to do about my husband. I told her that I’m giving him time. She was getting impatient and told me that I needed to decide what is best for myself soon. Adding on, she would cry in front of me and said that she regretted giving up her rented flat. She’d tell me that she regretted that very very much. She felt that she was a burden to the family and it would have been good to have her own place to run back to, if things did not work out well.

I understand her position. She came to live with us, but this house does not belong to her. She feels that she is just a temporary residence in our house. She feel she does not belong here. I do not know how to make her feel better. I’m still drained of energy and emotions to think about her, when my own marriage is at stake.

My husband continued to stay with the family and have behaved much better since. I knew that I had to give him time and space for him to settle down and resolve his own feelings. I knew that he may be uptight and hot-tempered during these transition period and I was willing to work on our marriage.

But my mother-in-law has such high expectations of him. She expected him to be back to his normal self in a split second. It was not possible at all. She continues to blame herself and regret leaving her rented flat. Getting another one now would require a long wait. I knew that she is secretly applying for a rented flat on her own and intend to move out of our house.

I will not stop her. Maybe she’d be happier elsewhere. Maybe. But it is pitiful to see her living a life full of regrets. She will not be able to move on and be happy. She will lack self-confidence to improve her life and self-blame for what happened. She will continue to live in the past.