Make Silence Work for You

One of the best pieces of advice that I ever received was, “learn to keep your mouth shut.” There is a time to talk and a time to remain silent. This is not the absence of communication. Another saying goes something like this: “His silence spoke volumes.”

Every good salesperson knows that there comes a time in a closing where the next person to speak loses the contest. If you are not accustomed to sitting in silence in the presence of another individual, this can be a difficult task. Silence puts pressure on the other party. Their mind races as they ponder their position. The need to answer or speak gets very intense after about thirty seconds.

By remaining silent, this forces the other person to commit their respective position on the deal first. Armed with this knowledge, a savvy salesperson will close the deal or make the other person feel like it was his or her fault that it fell through. This never feels like victory to the person who is pasted with the failure to complete the transaction.

Car dealers and real estate agents employ a different form of silence. Rather than stay in the room and risk speaking first and giving the client an out, they leave the room. It may be with a ruse about needing to check with another client or talk to the manager. You are left alone for up to five minutes to stew on the negotiations.

The dealer or agent returns to the room to find you softened up from the wait. Without offering any change to the deal, you will be prompted with a question related to signing the contract. Again, the outcome of the deal is placed on your shoulders. It seems like it is up to you to make it happen or risk failing to deal.

When teaching, questions are frequently asked. Many less experienced teachers will ask and answer their own questions because they believe silence is lost time in the classroom. The reality is that silence gives the listeners a chance to formulate answers and digest information. The key here is to just wait.

Sometimes, I just get a chair, and let them know that when they are ready to answer, I am ready to listen. At that point just wait it out. Someone will always speak within a minute. It is a minute well spent. As a teacher, you cannot let them when this game or your teaching risks becoming ineffective.

When arguing, silence is a great way to regroup and let the other person have time to shift closer to your position. This does not always work with arguments, but it frequently does. It makes a natural time out. Once you quit talking, the other person has a choice. He or she can either continue to rant into the wind, or stop talking and wonder about the merits of the argument. You may end up resolving the argument by agreeing to disagree, but at least the arguing has ceased.

The final look at silence as a tool happens when you simply let someone’s opinion stand without rebuttal. You do not concur. You just do not disagree. This puts the onus on the talker to hold up the weight of the comment alone. If it turns out to be erroneous, you did not agree to it. If it turns out to be correct, you have the blessing of being able to say that you did not disagree with it. Either way you win.