Naysayers, Haters and Saboteurs (And Other Folks You Should Rid Yourself Of)

Did you ever notice that people who don’t want to do anything with their lives resent those who do?  It seems odd, but this usually comes from people we know very well – friends, family, spouses.  Sorry to say there is probably someone you know who is “hating on you” at this very moment.  Why can’t we learn to be happy at the success of those around us?  Why do we insist on trying to knock others down? Why do we want to bring them down to our level?  Most of all, why don’t we get motivated to do something extraordinary with our own lives?

Naysayers

You know the ones.  They shoot down every idea you come up with.  Their trademark phrases are things like, “It will never work” or “What makes you think you can do that?”  Earlier this year, I was laid off from work. I had no idea how long I would be jobless or if, in this economy, it would happen again.  I decided to take a couple hundred dollars and use it to start an online e-book business.  I purchased two years of webhosting and invested in some advertising.  My thinking was if I could get this thing going, I would have a somewhat steady stream of income…. Just in case.  Enter my spouse.  You’d think he’d say that this was a great idea – a good back up plan. Umm, not so much.  His words were, “So you actually think people are going to pay for this stuff?” 

I have a friend who is contemplating getting a new car; he’s always wanted a Mercedes.  Everyone he has mentioned it to has made remarks like, “Do you know how much you’re going to have to spend to maintain a Mercedes?”  He asked me, point blank, why they couldn’t just say, “That’s great, man! I hope you get it!  Those are nice cars!”

Haters

Haters are people who can’t stand to see others doing well.  They are everywhere, so it’s hard to side-step them at times.  You will find them on the job, in your social circles and even in your church.  There’s the co-worker who stopped speaking to you when you were promoted; the girlfriend (or so you thought) that talks about you behind your back since you bought that new car or house or have a great husband or boyfriend; the choir member who remarks that you are the choir director’s pet because you are asked to do the solo.  They don’t care that you work hard or that you’re actually a great singer or a really nice person who deserves for good things to happen.  They only care that it was you and not them that won the prize.  Typical phrases of the hater are “She thinks she’s better than us now” and “What makes HER so special?”  Why can’t people be happy for us when good things happen in our lives?

Saboteurs

Saboteurs are a little more subtle and dangerous than the others.  If you’re not careful, they can even convince you to sabotage yourself.  Let me give you an example.  Years ago, when I was fresh out of college (perhaps 2 years or so), I was feeling really good about getting things on track financially, after years of struggling to pay for school.   There I was a young wife, mother and homeowner just getting her career on track and working on paying off the student loan I had taken out to pay for my last year of college.  I had a friend who was four years older than me, unmarried with a young son and still living at home with her mother.  She was working at the time but since she didn’t really have any financial responsibilities (her mother basically took care of her as well as her son), she used her money to shop and go club hopping every Friday night.  She said to me one day, in all seriousness, “You should skip paying some of your bills sometime and go out and buy yourself something.  You deserve it.”  Now that sounded great in theory – I’d worked hard to get to this point and I DID deserve something as a reward.  But the thought of putting my family in financial ruin so I could have some new dresses and expensive shoes?  No thanks.

I might add at this point that this friend is now 50 years old and her son is grown, married and has his own place.  She is unemployed and STILL living with her mother.  She has not, ‘til this day, felt what it is like to have her own place, a car payment, and the responsibility of taking care of herself or her possessions. I don’t believe that she offered her advice out of malice, but I could have let her way of thinking carry me down the wrong path.

What to do???

We need to learn to steer clear of these people.  We can’t avoid them all, but we can learn not to let them burst our bubble.  Ignore the negativity that flows from them.  If they are content to wallow in mediocrity, let them, but don’t wallow with them.  Do not let them hold you back from being and doing your best.  They may very well accuse you of being “uppity” or snobby.  They will accuse you of trying to forget where you came from.  Remind them all that where you came from is not where you’re going – there is a difference.  Let them know that when we try to rise above, we are in a better position to lift up others.

Surround yourself with true friends that will be happy to see you reach a new level in your life.  Interact with people who recognize that if you’ve been blessed, their blessing must surely be on the way as well. Instead of being jealous or covetous, they will use you as an example of what can happen through hard work and perseverance. And they will not try to shoot you down.

© 2009 – Andrea J. Shannon