Naysayers, Haters and Saboteurs

Saboteurs

Saboteurs are a little more subtle and dangerous than the others.  If you’re not careful, they can even convince you to sabotage yourself.  Let me give you an example.  Years ago, when I was fresh out of college (perhaps 2 years or so), I was feeling really good about getting things on track financially, after years of struggling to pay for school.   There I was a young wife, mother and homeowner just getting her career on track and working on paying off the student loan I had taken out to pay for my last year of college.  I had a friend who was four years older than me, unmarried with a young son and still living at home with her mother.  She was working at the time but since she didn’t really have any financial responsibilities (her mother basically took care of her as well as her son), she used her money to shop and go club hopping every Friday night.  She said to me one day, in all seriousness, “You should skip paying some of your bills sometime and go out and buy yourself something.  You deserve it.”  Now that sounded great in theory – I’d worked hard to get to this point and I DID deserve something as a reward.  But the thought of putting my family in financial ruin so I could have some new dresses and expensive shoes?  No thanks.

I might add at this point that this friend is now 50 years old and her son is grown, married and has his own place.  She is unemployed and STILL living with her mother.  She has not, ‘til this day, felt what it is like to have her own place, a car payment, and the responsibility of taking care of herself or her possessions. I don’t believe that she offered her advice out of malice, but I could have let her way of thinking carry me down the wrong path.

What to do???

We need to learn to steer clear of these people.  We can’t avoid them all, but we can learn not to let them burst our bubble.  Ignore the negativity that flows from them.  If they are content to wallow in mediocrity, let them, but don’t wallow with them.  Do not let them hold you back from being and doing your best.  They may very well accuse you of being “uppity” or snobby.  They will accuse you of trying to forget where you came from.  Remind them all that where you came from is not where you’re going – there is a difference.  Let them know that when we try to rise above, we are in a better position to lift up others.

Surround yourself with true friends that will be happy to see you reach a new level in your life.  Interact with people who recognize that if you’ve been blessed, their blessing must surely be on the way as well. Instead of being jealous or covetous, they will use you as an example of what can happen through hard work and perseverance. And they will not try to shoot you down.

© 2009 – Andrea J. Shannon