Positive Criticism… or is It?
by Positive criticism is vital to our development, but some people don’t take it quite as well as others. How do you make sure you don’t accidentally demotivate a more sensitive individual to the extent that, rather than taking your advice, they give up completely?
Most people like praise. Knowing we have done something well is often a reward in itself, encouraging us to continue in our efforts and go on to achieve great things. Praise gives us confidence in ourselves, motivates us to move forwards. But sometimes praise isn’t enough, as well as the praise, we need guidance and constructive criticism.
The problem with positive criticism though, is how it is presented. Of course, with many people this isn’t an issue, they’ll take the criticism and act uon it, regardless of the manner in which it is given. But some, more sensitive, people will take any criticism in a negative way. So how do you make sure that these people can be helped to improve without demotivating them? It’s all in the way you say it.
The obvious place to start, when giving criticism, is a positive comment. Pick something out that they’ve done well in something, and make sure that it’s specific. “That’s good” isn’t nearly as encouraging as “I love how you’ve done…”, as the latter shows that you have paid attention to what they did.
Do not say “but”! It seems like the obvious word to use, but “but” can do more harm than good when it comes to giving advice. “But” is a word which implies a change in direction, so if you’ve just said something positive, “but” tells the person you are talking to that you are about to say something negative. Automatically, their brain starts throwing up defences, preparing for the criticism. Not how you want someone to be thinking, even subconsciously, when you’re trying to give them advice. “That’s good but could be improved by…” isn’t nearly as encouraging as “That’s good and could be improved by…” there’s only one word different, but by using a word which implies something continues in the same direction, such as “and”, rather than the opposite direction, such as “but”, advice can be made to sound positive, rather than negative.
Remember to keep it light. If you are giving a lot of advice, you need a lot of good points in there as well. Remember, you’re trying to help someone, so if possible, try to keep the good and bad points pretty equal and offer ways to improve rather than saying something is wrong.
Don’t end on a bad point. Find some else which is good to say about them or what they have done. It can work wonders for how they feel about what you’ve just said.
Liked it
