Red Flags and Warning Bells
by Have you ever felt that something was wrong even when you didn’t know what or understand the feeling? Have you ever had a deep feeling you didn’t want to have or want to be true? Don’t ever ignore them!
My warning bells started when I was a small child; I could feel my mom’s stress and frustrations every time my biological mother was stopping by. I was always instructed to be on my best behavior but the feelings I had every time my biological mother came over was one of deep hatred and something I couldn’t understand as a child. My mom and dad got along good until my biological mother came up in their conversation; then tension, anger and frustration usually resulted in verbal and later physical fighting.
Unfortunately back then there weren’t any organizations or help for these abuses. There were many wrongs done and we had a Dysfunctional family. Some like my biological mother was more dysfunctional than others. My biological mother seemed to get some sort of perverted joy out of making my mom and dad’s life miserable. Her mission in life was to destroy me.
I knew nothing about dysfunctional families, dysfunctional people or to be honest dysfunctional anything. I didn’t learn about dysfunctional families until I took the course in a community collage in my thirties. That’s where I learned that all people come from dysfunctional families because all families are dysfunctional; it is the level of dysfunction that is the difference. There is no one cause for dysfunction and in some cases there are many.
A child doesn’t understand these warning bells or how to deal with them. Parents should listen to their children’s concerns and discuss them with their children; then pay close attention to any situation that puts the child and the proposed problem in contact with one another and never leave them alone with the proposed problem person nor let that person take your child out of your line of sight or hearing. Depending on the severity of the problem you may not want the person around your home, work-place, etc., at all.
Grandparents need to stop being afraid of their children when caring for their grandchildren in the place of their children. Grandparents need to stop cowering down to the taunts and threats of their children when taking long term care of their grandchildren. Every parent’s nightmare is not having been a good parent, not having done enough or having made mistakes that could have been avoided. Unfortunately children grow up resenting their parent’s mistakes instead of bettering their own lives many set out intent on self destruction, some set out to destroy their parents and some take their anger out on everyone they come into contact with. All of these are accurate in varying degrees and should bring up the red flag and or sound out the warning bells within you. If the problems stem from your child and you have taken the responsibility for the care, health and well being of your grand child that responsibility to your grandchild must be placed above that of your responsibility to your child. Believe me it won’t matter to some of those children; they will resent both you and their own child or children. Some parents will even hate their parents and child or children, sad but true.
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