Relationship Advice

I read an article about non committal guys and it fits him to a tee.

• He came on strong, had bizare mode swings, was under a lot of pressure trying to sell his company
• I was going through a very difficult period of being unemployed for a year and trying to make a career switch to Wall St. w/o anMBA
• During the first year he would have jealous fits if I was talking or leaning into conversations with guys I knew while out at a bar
• This was my first serious relationship where I felt like I was in love with him/am still in love
• We lived together for the first summer -i tried to find a suitable loft living space in nyc where apts and budgets are tight. I was also miserable since I had a new job in CT and had to commute 4 hours –commuting makes me grumpy and I am also very social so it was hard for me to adjust to not seeing my friends that much.
• He’s an introvert and I am an extrovert
• He NEVER invited me out with his one and only friend, he NEVER invited me to any social events and introduced me as his girlfriend
• He did however love to stay over at my apt (his living situation is less than desirable living in a cramped live/work space). I am being gracious when I say it was a ‘live’ space…there was no shower, no window, no kitchen.
• He would however bring me the most thoughtful presents, leave me wonderful daily notes when he stayed over, we would have the best time hanging out, have intellectual discussions (we are both ivy league educated), we fit perfectly together (except for social situations….)
• After 2 years of waiting to move into a condo that I put a down payment on that was late, getting myself the job I wanted in the city (yeah no more commute -just 12+ hour days), I told him that I wanted to live together and maybe have it lead to marriage (I am not getting any younger).
• His response was he didn’t want to lead me on (um what were you doing for the past 2+ years??), he had indicated that I didn’t know how to behave as a girlfriend (to my friend). Meanwhile he had an infidelity (claiming we were split up, which is technically true but we had been back together and seeing each other 4/5 nights a week again). Um I’m sorry how can he justify his behavior and claim that my ‘talking to guys I know or being outgoing and personable’ is a terrible crime.
• So I broke it off (meanwhile I find most other men repulsive-and most are not suitable -as I have been trying to look during the times we have been broken off -but trust me there are no other date worthy guys out there—-) at the start of the summer
• I told him no contact
• HOWEVER I am so warped at this point that I want him to come back but I realize he must want this for himself (to be with me, to want commitment (in his professional life too as he is always coming up with some new project that will take him out of town). I know this is a bad breed but I am already in over my head…..I am trying to break free of the current but its to strong,,,,
• I know I shouldn’t contact him
• I know I should move on (but to whom/what -being along for another 20 years??? not that appealing -like I said this was my first real relationship
• I know this is not healthy (at least I have already frozen my eggs if I want to have a child someday)
• Should I be alone, go out with repulsive men that I feel nothing for? or wait in agony for this man to come to his senses, or just focus on work –which even that gets boring after to much time.
• It seems like you cant change people (however when poeple give me constructive critism, I make an effort to change, and I do change)
• I mainly want to contact him to find out his exact reason as to why I am not the one? or is it just timing? is it just him? why am I even caring at this point? why is that we feel like we need closure in order to move on???

Please help, please advise