It’s raining pains. It’s musty, mucky, malodorous,’ there’s wading in waterlogged roads, upturned  umbrellas, footwear going missing. And more.

Your house has uninvited guests flies- despite all your precautions. It’s not for nothing that they are called house flies. Fly paper can catch some of them. But a craftily wielded fly swatter that works on batteries can frazzle the (and mosquitoes, too). Discourage the pests by fixing nets on all windows, maintaining a spotless kitchen, covering food, bagging and sealing garbage.

See a doctor if you have nausea, vomiting. Fainting, a drop in blood pressure, wheezing, difficulty in breathing.

A passing car has splashed your clothes with muddy water. Shake out the garment vigorously and allow any other residue mud patches to dry. Then use a stiff brush or vacuum cleaner nozzle to remove the worst of it. Wash as usual. Keep your clothes short ‘n’ simple. Bermudas, shorts or cropped pants for guys.’ Skirts, solid coloured leggings, or capris for girls.  Smart rain goers carry a  portable iron that fits into a bag.

You are drenched and your white undies show shamelessly. Cover yourself with somebody’s   raincoat or dupatta- laughing all the way. Dry yourself with a hair dryer. In the future, wear skin toned or dark coloured undies – think green, purple, navy, indigo (white spells trouble)- in blended cottons and poly nylon, which can dry quickly and do not crush.

The elements have frizzed up your hair, and you have a dishy date, straight from office. Apply a bit of mousse or get and distribute evenly, straight on your wet hair. Don’t touch it. Just jet it air dry. A funky hair band or scarf can divert attention. To fight frightful monsoon frizzier comb your hair with a wide toothed comb before a shower to prevent tangles and knots. Don’t wash your hair too often- twice or thrice a week is enough. Only wash your scalp. Your hair will not get too dirty in this season. It’s the tousling that adds to the damage and tears cuticles (the outer layer of hair which is composed of overlapping cells that sit like scales on a fish) making it frizzier. Finger comb to detangle while still wet regular conditioner stay put for at least 5 minutes. Blast with cold water to close up the cuticles. Follow with an anti-frizz serum. Dry well so that you don’t leave any water behind. Try  a conditioning banana mask. Mash a banana, add a dash of olive oil and smooth over your hair, let it sit for 15 minutes. Then shampoo off with lukewarm water. Go for weekly vitamin treatments. Sleep on a satin pillowcase to prevent  the frizzies from forming. Cotton pillowcases tend to cause friction between the  hair and the fabric, specially if you move around a lot in your sleep.

Facing the torrent has streaked up your makeup. Wipe clean with wet wipes or tissues. Dab with a powder puff to banish shine. Keep your skin cosmetic free as much as possible. Or invest in waterproof and oil-free eye make up, specially mascara, using as little is possible to prevent splotches and blotches.

To douse the rainy day blues you tuck into piping hot pakoras straight from the pan and burn your mouth. Apply an anesthetic gel (Gelora, Dentogent zytec) with a clean finger twice a day. The next time, wait before you bite.

A rain dance has left you sneezing ‘n’ sniffling Change your clothes at once and pop an aspirin or paracetamol. Gargle with a salt water solution of one tsp. of table salt in a glass of warm water. Drink plenty of water with a vitamin C 500 mg. tablet twice a day to repair the damaged lining of the respiratory passages. Hot soup, teas and grandma’s liquid remedies (with ginger, lime, honey brandy and such) can be soothing, too. Steam inhalations are helpful. Breathe boiling water from the spouit of a kettle with a towel over your head. Take care not to burn yourself. Unclog your nose with an OTC inhaler.

That glass of water from an udipi joint has hit your throat. Take an aspirin or ibuprofen to deaden the discomfort. Suck a medicated lozenge (Alex,trepsil) to numb raw nerve endings and scratchiness. Try steam inhalation. And  gargling, specially if it hurts when you swallow. See your doctor if you experience severe, prolonged or recurrent sore throats, or it is accompanied by difficulty in breathing. Swallowing or opening of the mouth, joint pains, ear-ache or a lump in the throat, rash or a fever of about 101 “F, hoarseness that lasts for over a week.

Somebody’s briefcase has bashed up your thigh in a rainy day rush to office. Ice it to reduce pain and swelling with a cold pack, ice bag or pack or frozen peas for 15 minutes. Elevate the bruised area. See a doctor if the bruise is very large or swollen or if there is reduced sensation or difficulty moving the limb.

You’ve lost your balance and sprained your ankle on a slippery pavement. To reduce pain and swelling apply the RICE formula. R for rest I for an ice pace C for compression with an elastic bandage E for elevation

Your new rain shoes have triggered a blister. For starters you have to decide what to do with it. Smaller blisters that cause no discomfort have to be left alone. Just  c lean the skin with soap and water. Cover with a sterile gauge and buffer the area with petroleum jelly. When you have a big blilster in a weight-bearing area or is likely to break on its own you have to drain it. .That way you can control when and how the blister is opended instead of leaving it to chance. First clean it and the surrounding area with eau de cologne. Sterilise pin on needle with alcohol and heat with a match until it glows red. Let it cool. Prick superficially where the blister is fluid filled. Drain with gentle pressure using a clean tissue. Keep the cap of the blister on – it helps protect tender internal skin while the wound heals. Apply an antiseptic lotion (Dettol) or cream. Then cover and protect it with a simple band aid or gauze pack while it heals. Paint the area around with tincture of benzoin. You may need to change the dressing often if your feet are sweaty or your feet get wet. Damp soles are most prone to blisters so make sure your footwear dry out between use. Never don wet shoes. Sprinkle powder in your shoes to keep them dry. If the blister shows signs of infection, see your doctor.

You take off your socks and shoes and people reel with horror. Wash feet twice a day with antiseptic soap and water to remove odourcausing bacteria and yeast. Follow up with eau de cologne. Dry shoes thoroughly, preferably under a fan. Stuff with wads of newspaper to hasten the  proess. Use mycoderm dusting powder before you war them next. You can also spray with deodorant. Use thick cotton socks and change daily. Alternate your shoes. Rain shoes trap moisture and smell. Go bare foot at home when you can.

You’re scraped your skin  while getting into a van or bus. Wash with soap and water and then hold under running water for five minutes to expel all dirt and grit. Then heart it. Open wounds are likely to heal faster if the area is heated slightly. The hypothesis is that heat dilates to blood vessels in the injury, which increases the blood flow and hence the influx of oxygen. In turn, oxygen seems to accelerate the production of collagen, a crucial element in the healing process. Use a hot water bottle or a warm moist towel sheathed in plastic for 15 to 20 minutes 4 to 6 times daily. Apply a band aid to keep healing substances in the body fluids from evaporating. Consider a tetanus shot if you haven’t had one for 10 years, 6 if the scrape is seriously contamintated by dirt. Watch carefully for infection.

There’s something peculiar happening between your toes. Whitish boggy areas on the webs of your last two toes, are the first signs of athlete foot, caused by fungi which thrive in warm, moist areas.This, if left unchecked, can result in scaling, itching, redness all over the soles with the toenails becoming blistering and crumbling. The important thing is to keep your feet dry apply an antifungal powder with clotrimazole (Surfaz) every morning and the same cream every night while it disappears. See a doctor if your skin cracks.

The rains make you ravenous. You pig olut on channa bhaturas and jalebis and feel podgy, sluggish and totally gross. Chew on a piece of ginger. Drink some antacid (Digene, Gelusil) – liquids are more effective than tablets to neutralize stomach acids. Try placing a cold cloth on your ear. This stimulates a branch of vagus nerve that runs through the digestive tract to relieve the bloat. Cross out hearts. ODing slows down your digestion,  triggering bloating, biliousness, nausea, constipation. Extra blood goes straight to your gut. But don’t skip your next meal. Go light with a soup or some pasta and spinach.

Your pav bhaji and bhel are fighting back with the runs. Rainy day flies are carriers of diarrhea. Take 2 tablets of lopamide or lomotid for symptomatic relief. There is no need to take any more. Drink plenty of fluids to prevent dehydration, e,g. boiled water with salt, sugar and lime juice; teas colas. Take the probiotic econorm (available in sachets and in tablets)  which produces lactose that kills harmful bacteria and improves digestion without side effects. Plenty curd also has the same effect. Don’t starve a runny tummy. The activity of the digestive enzyme is intact and strength. Have small frequent bland non fatty meals. Bananas contain kaolin which is a binder. A couple of apples will also do the trick. Notify your doctor if loose watery stools continue for more than 3 days, if there is blood or mucus in the stool, or if you also have a fever or vomit.

Somebody’s suffered an electric shock. Switch off the power sujply or separate the victim from the current using a clean dry non-conducting object such as a wooden stick, a thick roll or newspaper while you stand on dry ground warning shoes or chappals.

You’ve romanced in the rains and worry that a pregnancy is in the offing. Take an i-pill as quickly as possible to delay or stop ovulation. And the next time-be careful.